Has anyone else hit rock bottom in life?

I realized that I have hit rock bottom in my life. I never envisioned this is how my life would be at the age of 27. I am so lost, confused, lonely and angry. It seems like every time I move 5 steps forward, life pushes me back 10.

Work
I try my best to make the most out of life but can’t seem to make any progress. I am living with my parents and working a job that pays $400 a week. After expenses and bills, I am not left with much at the end of the week. By bills I mean phone bills, I pay some house bills and personal expenses as well. I am looking for a better one, however it is very difficult. Especially in such a competitive city as NYC. It’s really stressful since my job is 2 hours away from house. Plus I feel we are way underpaid for the job we do. I work as designer for a small design company. I have my Bachelors degree and thinking about going for my Masters.

Personal Health
I have been fighting depression and anxiety for a long time now. Since I started college to be exact. The stress of college and my personal life were too overwhelming. I use to freelance as a designer and often designed for friends. Lets just say 90% of them took advantage of my kindness and good heart. They never paid me for the hard work I did for them. I have now decided never to design for them again. I have come to realize true friends don’t treat each other like that.

Relationships
My love life is very poor. It is hard for me to find love when everyone thinks I am 17. I am 27, however I look very much like a high school student. I am often mistaken for one all the time. I am very shy when it comes to meeting women. I get looks and stares but never get approached. Plus I am too shy to make the first move. I guess what holds me back is that my status in life is very poor. At 27 I should have my own place and a healthy job. If I was more stable in life, I would have more confidence. There are many girls that like me. However they are way too young. Most are 16–17 years old.

God & Faith
This one is a big one. I was born and raised in a Christian home. I always had a strong faith in God until recently. I often have many questions regarding religion and God. I still believe a God exists. I just wonder why he’s so distant from us. I am often told prayer works and is very useful, but does God hear us? Everyday I am stressed over living and dying. Sometimes life is so difficult that I don’t want to live anymore. However death & the thought of eternity scares me. No one is sure if there is life after death. I wake up everyday just thinking will this day be my last. Sometimes when I am in Church I wonder if people will try to come and cause harm upon us. Since Churches are soft targets for many attacks. The thought that people might try to come in and kill as many people as possible scares me. Maybe I am a bit paranoid due to recent attacks around the world. With all the things going on around the world you never know. I guess these thoughts makes it difficult for me to enjoy life. The thought that one day all of this will be gone and over with is a hard pill to swallow. My greatest fear is dying young without fully living life. By that I mean getting married and having kids. I have had many friends die too young. 2 last died last year. One was 16 the other 27. Life is just so hard to understand.

Anger
I have been struggling with anger all my life. I had a very rough child hood. I was bullied a lot in school for many things. I often laughed it off but deep down it really tore me apart. The things I went through and the names I was called were really hurtful. It has made me a stronger person today. When I look back at my life and look at what I could have become I hate myself so much. They chances that I did not take and the opportunities missed haunts me all the time. So many people tell me how talented I am in football (soccer). I am told all the time that I could have made it to the big time. When I see these young lads having money, fame, and success it makes me jealous. I often think that could of been me.

I know I have to take control of my life, but I have lost the will to fight on. I am so grateful for what I have because there are people who have it 10x worst than me. I should know since I came from a 3rd world country in Africa. I am not looking for pity or for people to feel sorry for me. Just want to see if anyone is in the same boat as me.