My Aging parents do not even want to meet my girlfriend -- how do I tell them I intend to go on with my plans anyhow?

Those of you who remember me from previous questions— I am 51 years old and came back to live with my parents after I was shot in a robbery where I almost didn’t survive (I live in Memphis, not Chicago, but at least six homicides occur here daily). I still do not have much use of my right arm. Its mostly just a decoration now.

However, since I was shot five years ago, my parents have come to be very dependent on me due to their own limitations, and are also obsessed with my safety. They are particularly obsessed / phobic about the hour I was shot (12:04 a.m.) .

They met my girlfriend Karen once but didn’t know who she was—and my mother and Karen got along very well. But my mother spits nails at any mention of her name (someone she doesn’t know she met and doesn’t want to know or meet).

My girlfriend and I are both at very low places in life at no fault of our own but are both rebounding. We have an apartment now that we can barely pay for, but things are greatly improving from where we were.

When I was helping my GF get her (our) apartment, my parents could cope with me being out late. But now that she is more or less settled, my parents want me home where they know I’m safe and where I can take care of their needs. They feel I owe it since they took me in when I was disabled.

Most of all, they are obsessed (I think) with the hour I was shot, and re-live this every night I am not with them.

The truth is, I’m fine. I’ve been an all-nighter since I was in college. My GF and I have a safe apartment. I do not want to live with her until we are married and I am at a better place in life but I do want to spend time with her primarily nights and evenings.

I am still in close proximity to my parents and can be with them in 12–15 minutes if they ever need me.

I guess you can’t have two homes. Its kinda straddling the fence. But how to I tell my aging parents that I DO intend to spend my life with my GF, and just because she’s “settled” in a decent apartment doesn’t mean I’m going to be spending less time?

This is hard, even at age 52, because I guess I feel I DO owe them, and I am sensitive to their fears about crime, since they almost lost me. And I know they genuinely care about me. But I AM ready to move on with my life now.