How do I tactfully deal with my acquaintance's girl crush?

Asked by LeavesNoTrace (5674) February 7th, 2017 from iPhone

I’m a 28 F in a committed, long-term relationship with a man. One of his close friends is also in a relationship with a very nice, but emotionally fragile woman in her mid-30s. (Let’s call her “Jen”.)

Jen has always really liked me and I like her just fine too (in moderation) but I’ve never thought of getting too close to her because while she’s a well-meaning person, she has a lot of emotional issues and I suspect she is an alcoholic. It’s not uncommon for her to suddenly break down sobbing or have some kind of emotional episode at a social gathering that effectively ends the party and while she is good-hearted, she is often so emotionally “raw” that my partner and I are concerned about her.

Last night, we went to a Super Bowl party at their place and it was apparent that Jen was in one of her “weird places” from the beginning. I went out with her to get beer and chips and she was very emotional and touchy-feely with me but didn’t seem all “there”—telling me how beautiful I am, etc. I chalked it up to her having one too many glasses of wine and laughed it off.

A little later on, my boyfriend gets up from the game for a bathroom break (we were in the back of the room), and she takes his seat and scoots it right up next to me. I have a warm-blooded Italian background and am generality not too protective of my personal space, but this was a little too close for comfort.

She then proceeds to start stroking my hair and the back of my neck the way a lover would and mouthing the words “I love you” to me while touching my face. I freeze and have no idea what to do. Do I pull away? Do I ignore it? Do I say something?

Luckily my ever-perceptive partner saw my distress and came to my rescue by tactfully calling us a cab. Her boyfriend beckoned her over and she kind of passed out slumped against his shoulder.

In the cab home, my BF and I shared a laugh about it and he made some joking comments about how clearly he has good taste in women if even other women find me “irresistible” (har-dee-har) but I’m still inwardly kind of skeeved out.

This evening she sent me a private email off the usual group chain with a bunch of smiley emojis about how she’s still enjoying the delicious cake I made and hopes she can see me soon and we should hang out. I told my partner that I’d like to avoid her for a month or two…

How should I deal with her? She recently lost her father over the summer so that accounts for some of the strangeness but she’s been somewhat like this for the three years I’ve known her. I know she has emotional and drinking problems so I want to be kind but also set boundaries.