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What am I suppose to do about my parents?

Asked by TheBox193 (982 points ) November 16th, 2008

They fright…. and I’m running out of ideas.
-I’ve tried stepping in. (works temporarily (a day or so) or not at all)
-I’ve tried staying out. (Doesn’t help at all.)
-I’ve tried taking the blame for what ever he is accusing my mom of. (makes him mad at me… I don’t care, better than her)
-I’ve tried shoved it in my dad’s face that he is bull headed and is wrong when he’s wrong (lol that goes over good…)
-I’ve pretended to simultaneously behind the others back taken side with each of them…discovering what is it that they really are trying to say. (Semi works, because then I can talk to the other on how the other one feels, clever right? Sometimes it only ticks my father off more and gives him or ammunition)
-I’ve talked with my grandparents
-They’ve “tried” counseling (my father bloody rigged it… how do you like that? He won’t have anything to do with another one…. because he is in the ‘right’ ... I hate that bloody councilor)
-
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My Dad:
I’ll start off with saying that it’s mainly my father. He doesn’t listen. It’s has to be his way. No one ever does anything right. They are to slow, to lazy, not listening, don’t care about him, don’t care about his feelings, don’t care about his stuff… the list goes on. He want’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to questions that require additional info.
He is a small business owner. It’s an intense job, requires lots of time and lots of effort. His brain has been trained to never stop. He has a hard time relaxing or sitting still.
He has broken things, wine classes, several walls, window, dented a car, drawers, thrown things…. I’m wondering if something chemically is wrong with his brain. Is that possible? He won’t have anything to do with get that checked.
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My Mom:
I’ll admit she does make mistakes, sometimes rather irritating ones. Sometimes she doesn’t understand. Sometimes she doesn’t communicate well. Sometimes she sensitive.
My mom works at the same small business, she is VP and works on the books a lot of the time. This is where some of the sources of fights originate. She honestly never was taught how to do this kind of work, but has basically figured it out over the last 10 years.
She’s getting hurt, she’s blaming herself for all of it. He’s getting into her head, it’s all her fault. She tries to take the blame and suppress her feelings, but one can only hold so much of that in.
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Plot: it always seems relatively the same. It’s normally my dad, but who knows who starts it, but someone has something on there mind they want to talk about. They start off in an (intended or not) accusing manner. Naturally the immediate response is to defend themselves. It goes back and forth with one running over the other till one of them gets ticked off enough. If it’s my mother she cries and yells, If it is my father he yells throws stuff. It seems like they are even I suppose, but it isn’t. 80% of the time it is my father yelling at my mother, she’s the one screwing something up, she’s the one messed up in the mind, she’s the one that is a fault, she’s the one that… It normally ends with my dad walking out and driving off leaving my mom in tears. occasionally when my mom gets the balls (lol right?) for it she’s the one standing up defending herself/accusing him.
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—it’s starting to get physical after 4 intense years of intense yelling, although he apologized the next day… I’m worried
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I’m running out of ideas, I can’t do it. I can’t take it. I’m having trouble comforting my mom any more. I’m to far away at college. My little brother (only child home) plays “I don’t hear anything”... I feel bad for him.
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I feel that a divorce is in order. But I don’t want to admit it. They don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to admit it. It can’t be true they still do love each other, they can’t do that. I want to fix it, I know my mom want’s to fix it. I don’t know how, I don’t know what to do, we don’t know what to do. please don’t say this… What can I do?
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It is my issue, I’m part of the family, they are my parents

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