How not to be in love with someone.

Hello, I’ve written before, about the same girl. Here’s the updated deal. I was crazy about this girl, but she’s getting married so I sort of turned it off. She’d come on to me, but I resisted (hard to do), and that only left me baffled. But I played it cool. She knows I have a crush on her. At one point she thought I might have been jealous of her b/f, which I wasn’t, but until she realized I wasn’t, she was even sweeter to me. I moved town and now I’m doing exactly what I hoped to do. My life is really working out quite well, but I’m really crazy about her. She knows this, I’m pretty sure. I can’t have her, and there’s no question of it, but she’s really sweet to me, and I’m not the type of person who cares about that sort of thing, but from her it’s like mana from heaven. Now I’m heartbroken and sick and intellectually I think I might be a back up (for whatever reason) or an ego trip for her. I’m her babysitter when she’s drunk, but she’s helped me through some rough times (which I hate because I never let people get that close). Bugger. Today is my day off and I’m just watching John Hughes movies and smoking endlessly. I thought when my life started the whole thing would end, but I love her more. I love her voice, I love…well, I just do. I don’t know. I always kept people at arms length and usually a girl would have to work really hard to get through to me, but she just brushed past my defenses. I hate that. This is an epic question. Wikihow is useless. I need better advice.