Who would you choose: wife or love of your life?

My best friend got married relatively young to a great girl: pretty, attractive, good mother to their children, good wife and homemaker, etc. He married her because she fit his picture of what a “perfect wife” should be.

A few years before he married her, he was in love for the first and only time in his life. For some reason or other, things didn’t work out with his sweetheart and he broke up with her. A few months before his wedding, he went to his ex and asked her if he should call off the wedding and give their relationship another chance. She said no (she was about to get engaged to someone else).

Fast forward about 6 years. He ran into his ex again. They became friends and their families started hanging out together (dinners, birthday parties, etc). Their friendship grew stronger; they called each other every day, chatted online, etc. At first, my friend was content with friendship. After some time, his feelings for his ex came back. Now, they are stronger than ever.

My friend confides in me that his secret hope is for his ex to divorce her husband, so that he can leave his wife for her. He’s too responsible a person to just have an affair or anything like that, but he’s constantly carrying a heartache over not being with his sweetheart. I try to point out that he made his decision years ago, that he has to live with it now. He agrees, but adds that, “the heart wants what it wants, no matter what the brain says.”

The sweetheart obviously has some feelings too. The two constantly cycle between being the best of friends to fighting and promising never to speak to each other again. The cycle appear to repeat every 3–6 weeks. I think their attraction to each other is causing the frustration.

So, what’s more important: love or duty? Is it better to go your whole life suffering without your true love and stick with the woman that you love but aren’t in love with? Or is life too short to be unhappy?