How to deal with this big change in my life?

Hey all, I was hoping I could get some advice on moving away for the first time.

Over the past month, I have been gradually setting up my new apartment in a new town (smaller and about two hours away from my current city). I’m currently 22 and I’ll be living by myself and attending law school. The apartment is great – very nice, comfortable, quiet, etc…

At the heart of what makes the transition difficult are two issues. First, I am not even sure if this is the right move career-wise. I definitely have some passion about law, thoroughly enjoyed courses I took in high school/university and got the “go-ahead” from a lot of different people who have legal backgrounds. I wasn’t pushed into going to law school by my parents, plus I’m not dead set on doing this just to get a fat check when I’m done – as I think a lot of people are . Despite this, I am not nearly fully satisfied that this is the right career move, and wouldn’t even know what to do or what other questions to ask to figure that out. From a financial point of view, I am very lucky to have a supportive family network that is covering the tuition and living costs, so accumulating a large pile of debt is not a real concern of mine. If I had a different dream or ambition, I wouldn’t be going to law school. At the same time, I’m not really that ambitious of a person when it comes to a career. I worked very hard in school but never dreamed of being in any particular profession. I think I convinced myself to go because I find it interesting, wanted a career, felt like it would be intellectually rewarding and enriching. There’s other little reasons I could throw at you, but those are the main ones.

The second issue – and I think it is fueling my fear and trepidation a lot more than the first issue – is the idea of being alone in a different place. From about 16 to 20, I had a very, very hard time dealing with a lot of different issues. I have been seeing a a combination of psychiatrists and psychologists since I was about 17. During that time, I became very sheltered and isolated. I lost some of my closer friends by the time I finished high school, and just was totally miserable and hopeless about life. As I entered my 2nd/3rd years of university living at home (when I was 19/20), I began feeling better, enough to at least take some chances at meeting new friends. I kept working with the counselors, kept trying to get out there and meet people and slowly but surely I even started going on dates (something I never did up to this point), getting closer with 1 or 2 guy friends I met that I thought I could form good friendships with. The dates never materialized into anything past a month, but I have been able to establish 1 or 2 good friendships and now have people to call on the weekends to hang out with. I have never been seriously intimate with a woman before, which kind of hurts my self-confidence with women but also just feeling comfortable just talking with guys or in groups. I’m definitely a late bloomer; and definitely my period of despair left me unmotivated to even try go and date, but it’s just hard to deal with because I feel so far behind my peers. Let’s be honest, by my age, most people have been in relationships, had sex, etc… That’s just what appears normal to me, from what I see on TV, but also from just talking with people I meet in conversation. I feel like such an oddball because of this. Not only do I feel ashamed and embarrassed, but these feelings only discourage even more from going out and trying to meet women. I feel totally lifeless – like I’m lying under a pile of bricks – in that department.

That drawn out account of my last 5–6 years kind of lays the foundation for many of my fears of moving out – being alone, admitting to someone I’ve never had sex, having a breakdown and coming home because of being alone and leaving the counselors I’ve been seeing (they will not see me since I’m not living in my home city anymore). It all boils down to being at a point of my life where I think it is important to spread my wings a bit and gain some independence, but I’m so utterly frightened of all the negative outcomes that seem very possible that I see running away from the opportunity a much more desirable alternative.

The truth is, most people would find it laughable to turn around and run away from this opportunity because of how close I am to trying it out (2 weeks until the move). I just feel like the time creeping up on me a lot faster than I’m ready for.

Anyways, sorry if the above post finds me rambling a bit. It’s sort of hard to keep thoughts and emotions structured and organized when you’re writing them out because they seem so jumbled in my head!

Any insight would be great.

Take care.