Is anyone on Fluther familiar with Elaine Aron's work on highly sensitive people?

Have you read “The Highly Sensitive Person” or “The Highly Sensitive Person in Love”? If so, are you an HSP? Or do you know and/or love someone who is? I am not, but my husband is. He hasn’t read the books, but I have. As I read, I was stunned at how much of her findings applied to him. As a result, I have tried to modify some (not all! I’m not a saint.) of my behaviors to help him. Not just out of love and concern, but because it helped me to understand how my actions or reactions could adversely affect him. Affect? Effect? I never get that right.

I am trying to figure out how to have better communication between my husband and myself when it comes to emotional issues. When I bring up a problem of an emotional nature, he shuts down. I can see a physical change in his face. —If you have ever been so distraught from grief or shock, you may know this look.— His face is blank, and he shuts down. Verbal expression is not his forte’ and I know that. I’ve tried email, but he reads the email and either ignores it or wants to talk. I think written communication would give him more time to process his answer, but at least he’s not always ignoring issues. The hardest part is when he recognizes that something is bothering me, asks if I’m okay, but then shuts down when I tell him it has something to do with him! He’s also not one to tell me when something is good, so I never know if I’ve done anything right.

Let me add to the story that my self-esteem is pretty bad, so a lack of communication compounds my problem.

That’s the background. Here are my questions:
1. I know that his HS-ness contributes to his shutting down. He needs time to process things. Would it be, in Fluther’s esteemed opinion, a good idea to tell him that I want him to write his answer to me? If I knew that I would get an answer, I could probably suck it up for a couple of days before losing my mind.

2. Is there a way to help him be better able to express himself verbally? My guess is no, that he would just have to work it out himself, but it’s worth asking. I make an effort to not cry, but am not always successful. I don’t do it as a manipulation tactic. I’m sad or mad, so I cry.

I hope I’ve not represented him as a jerk or a bad guy. He’s not. He’s probably the most honest, hardworking man I know. I know, in my head, that he loves me. I don’t always know it in my heart. Which is hard, because I know in my head, my heart, everywhere, that I love him.

Now I have to go ask another related question!