I found out my ex-girlfriend has cancer. Your thoughts?

So…my ex broke up with me in late August. Ended on a bad foot too. We went our separate ways, no idea what she’s been up to, I met someone new, and life goes on.

Today, a mutual friend of ours informed me that she apparently had to go in for surgery yesterday because she had cancer. I took a look at her facebook (Tad stalkerish but whatever…) and she has a rather large scar across her throat now.

I really don’t know how I feel about this. I’m sort of a walking contradiction. I’m apathetic to her illness (Although I wish I was wasn’t,) but at the same time obsessing over it for no reason (Again, wish I wasn’t.) It intrigues me and I don’t know why.

I don’t seem to feel any sorrow or joy out of it. I feel…a little guilty maybe. I know my id went crazy over the months with fantasies of her dying (I’m just demented like that.) Sort of a “careful what you wish for” scenario. At the same time, as bad as it makes me look, I feel a small sliver of satisfaction out of it. Karma for her breaking my heart.

Regardless of my feelings, I want to send a little “get well” note. Not sure if it’s the greatest idea since she simply ignored my, “Merry Christmas, hope things are going well for you.” e-mail. If I do send it, I really don’t know what to say besides the obvious. There’s still all this tension and hate there.

Another concern is again the obsession over this. I don’t feel very comfortable being obsessed with her in any way, shape or form. I’m kinda worried if I do it will resurface my feeling for her which A) I took a while to get rid of and B) I don’t want back since I’m with someone else.

A very interesting start to the year. Your thoughts?