How do you become whole?

I’ve asked this question before, and I may keep on asking it and asking it until I understand. What’s different now is this and this (thanks @liminal and @OneMoreMinute).

I’ve spoken before of the hole inside me, and asked how to fill it. This time, the question isn’t about filling a hole; rather, it is about becoming whole. They might seem like the same thing, but I don’t think they are. One is about finding something, and the other is about a journey without expectation, if I understand it correctly.

Connecting without needing is my problem. I always feel so needy. I don’t know if I have ever felt ok by myself. People say you can’t love if you don’t love yourself, so maybe I have never loved. Maybe my life is a lie. Or maybe the notion of not needing isn’t right.

Mindfulness seems to be one thing that helps. I don’t think there are any magic bullets. But part of my problem is that I don’t know what “whole” even means. Part of my problem is that I cannot forgive myself for not getting it. Part of my problem is despair.

Anyway, do you have experience becoming whole? Or wholer? How did that journey go?