How can I find my self-worth? Where does self-worth come from if not my actions and accomplishments?

I finally got around to reading a book about getting over my procrastination (zing!). The author makes several points that seem to ring true for me, particularly around the idea of self-worth.

He claims that one reason people procrastinate is perfectionism; perfectionists equate their self-worth with their performance. If someone does something just right, it shows her worth as a person. If she screws up just a little, her sense of self-worth is dramatically reduced.

I can relate to this very much. I believe I have always equated my self-worth with my actions and achievements. I always took pride in getting high grades and performing tasks at work with care. That is how I saw myself: my value came from my ability to do well in school and at work.

According to the author of this book, a person needs to stop equating self-worth with performance and gives an example of one of his clients who had this problem:

“When I first asked Elaine about her sense of innate worth, she was dumbfounded. “How can worth be innate?” she asked. “Where will it come from if it doesn’t come from what I do?” When I asked her about those less capable than herself, she had to admit that they had worth and deserved respect in spite of their inability to perform as well as she, but it was difficult for her to apply a similar level of generosity to herself.” -Neil Fiore, The Now Habit

Like Elaine above, I also can’t seem to understand where my worth comes from if not from what I do. And I seem to be less generous than Elaine in regards to other people, because I’m pretty critical of people who don’t perform well at the things they do (of if I don’t value what they do).

If you take away my talents for writing and drawing, my ability to repair computers and build websites, where do I find my self-worth? If you exclude my interests and passions, like sci-fi and comic books, what is left? Does a person’s self-worth come from simply being alive? From breathing and eating and loving and working? If so, it somehow feels hollow to my logical mind.

In other words, if we aren’t what we do, then what are we? I give myself a hard time when I can’t find the time to read a book, partly because I think of myself as a “reader.” Similarly, I get down on myself when I don’t stick to my diet or miss my regular gym sessions, because one of my aims is to be healthy. I define myself, and find my self-worth, I suppose, based on my aims and goals. Fiore seems to be saying I need to find that self-worth from another place, and I’m having a hard time figuring out where from. He evens says at one point: “No book can teach you self-worth. It can only show you how to act as if you have self-worth.” Though this is an interesting point, especially since I’m a believer in CBT, I feel like I need more information.