NSFW? You be the judge. How do you desludge when your fudge won't budge?

You’ve had your high-fiber cereal. You’ve gotten your servings of fresh fruits and vegetables. You’ve been careful to drink plenty of fluids. Maybe you’ve even avoided cheese. You got your daily exercise.

But for all that, you’re singing the frugal Scotsman’s lament after entering a pay toilet:
“Here I sit, brokenhearted.
Paid a dime and only farted.”

Sorry to be so crude, but we all know the feeling. And it’s not a welcome one at all. When that inconvenient truth strikes you, where do you turn for relief?