I think having bipolar disorder probably would make you an excellent social worker, depending on what kind of social worker you are. I was diagnosed three and a half years ago, and it has had an enormous positive effect on me, I think. It has given me an extraordinary sense of empathy. I know what is going on inside people’s heads and inside their relationships in a very deep way, now. Something I had no clue about before. I know what real pain is now. I know what it’s like to want to die. I know what it’s like to hate yourself so much you wouldn’t care if you stuck needles in your eyes. In fact, that would probably feel better than the psychological pain. This is coming from a guy who is so sensitive about his eyes that he can’t even watch people putting in contacts.
Yesterday, I had a client in my office (my work is completely unrelated to psychology in any formal way). I honestly have no idea how this happened, but within half an hour he’s telling me all about his ex, who was mentally ill, and who really messed him over. I start telling him things that likely happened to her and how she probably felt (not in that order—I go the other way around—feelings lead to actions), and every single fucking thing I said was right. He would nod his head and fill in the details.
People can sense that they can trust me. They feel that empathy and they talk to me. I’m not sure how they feel it or how I convey it, but it happens all the time these days. It’s a pretty big responsibility, though.
When I first started doing this, it was dangerous for me. When I feel someone else’s depression or pain, I can start feeling it, myself, very quickly. I would often have to shut down a line of inquiry because I knew if I went much further, I might get into trouble. That’s not all bad. When I’m around someone who is manic, I pick up that instantly, too, and that is very exciting. It ups my game—I get energized and I’m sharper and funnier and quicker and my ideas flow, as if I were manic, myself.
Actually, I was a bit manic with my client. He needed ideas, and after a while they were shooting out of me like fireworks. Faster than he could write them down, which is a problem. He wanted me to repeat things, and that is very difficult for me. When I’m in idea mode, someone has to record me or type really fast. I can type fast, but not quite fast enough to both think up stuff and type it at the same time. It might not seem that way when you read what I write here, but there is more where this comes from. There is more that just shoots by too fast for me to write it down here.
Ok, I’m rambling. Let’s get back on topic. What I’ve learned from these experiences is to A) be aware of my mood as I work with someone and B) learn how to either shut it off or to distance myself from the feelings if it is starting to get to me. On fluther I just announce that I can’t go any further. I think in the real world, I might try to change the direction of the conversation. When I find someone who is really in trouble, it can be very dangerous for me.
I think that bipolar disorder offers a huge gift and I wouldn’t ever wish I had never gotten sick this way. Yes, it has brought me close to death, but it has given me some serious rewards. I think that with self-awareness, you can learn to provide help without hurting yourself too much. If you do this, you’ll become one of the better social workers there are. I know. That’s what my intuition is telling me. You will be very happy if you decide to do this.
I feel like a fucking psychic reader sometimes. I don’t know where these things come from. Is it wishful thinking? Is it a prediction made based on knowledge of personalities? Is it intuition? I don’t know. I just know I feel it very strongly. This is the right move for you. I don’t know anything about you, so you would be perfectly justified in discounting my intuition. I know I would discount it. All I can say, though, is I feel it very strongly, fwiw.
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