How do I get a friend to stop negative self talk?

You can’t. She can, but only if she wants to. Nothing you can do about it. Sorry.

Self put down has very deep roots, often based in rejection or perceived rejection from distracted, neglectful or abusive elders.

You can’t. You also need to be careful about pointing it out also. Sounds like low self esteem. They still have to figure out what it is and work on it by themselves or with a therapist.

Try agreeing with her. If she says she’s ugly tell her yes she is. If she says she stupid point out just how stupid she is. But add to it. Make it very insulting. Hopefully she will see her biggest flaw is in trying to point out her flaws to others and that they may not be really as large as she believes them to be.
I don’t mean keep this up all the time. Just exaggerate enough where she will have to disagree with you. Some people like to dwell in self pity because its a perfect excuse not to try for anything and possibly fail. Point out to her that you believe that it is what she is doing. Scapegoating her life. I can’t possilby do anything like fall in love or have a valuable life because I was cursed with all thes negative things in my life. So I’m not responsible for my failures.

Like others said – you can’t. You can suggest a phychologist, but mostly this is attention getting behavior. She wants pity and people to take an interest and feel badly for her. Most times, the best response for you is to completely ignore it or stop being friends.

As said already, you can’t. If it is a significant problem all you can do is point out you are concerned about the person’s negativity and perhaps suggest they speak to a professional about it.

If it really starts to get to you (and I have been in that situation) perhaps you need to back away.

Tell her to stop acting like a 12 year old girl?

A lot of it comes from the rut of expect nothing and you are not disappointed mentality, however this unwittingly makes each day a drab encounter with thoughts and the world all around us.

Why do you care? Serious question.

@nikipedia She is a friend.

She got laid off recently and I am trying to make sure she stays positive for job hunting.

You could giver her the following book as a present

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonja_Lyubomirsky#The_How_of_Happiness

and ask her to discuss it with you afterwards.

Depends… How does she put herself down? Is she being negative or just being honest? People think I am being negative and am putting myself down when I am just being honest. If someone says to me “Let’s go dancing!” and I tell them I am boring and only dance slow, they may take that as being negative when it’s just the truth. I don’t dance fast so if they want to go out and tear up the dance floor, I would be boring. Now if they reply by saying that’s exactly what they had in mind, then I would say I was their girl!
I guess for me it’s all a matter of perspective. I’ll say I can’t do something or I suck at something and people automatically say I have low self-esteem. Why does my self-esteem or self-value have to revolve on other people’s ideas and feelings? There are many things I am good at and I enjoy doing but just because I don’t toot my horn, why does it automatically mean I have no confidence?

As far as staying positive in the job market you could tell her to take the time while looking to tweek her resume or improve it, maybe get an edge up on the competition by taking a class that will benifit her carreer. Be honest with her. Sometimes when people are negative they just want someone who will listen and once they have talked trough it, it’s a little easier to focus on the positive. Once the negative is acknowledged, it’s not so overpowering and you can think more about the positive. At least it is for me. When I’m having a difficult time, I need to look at all the negative, then it doesn’t seem to have so much power over my thoughts.
Being negative takes a lot of my energy so I have to acknowledge it in order to dispose of it, then I say to myself what am I going to do about it, then I can focus that energy more on the positive. That’s just me. (Not sure if that helps or makes and sense.)