Social Question

janedelila's avatar

Are we all still in high school? I lost at least two "friends" today over a stand against exclusion!

Asked by janedelila (3894 points ) August 24th, 2012

I’m really unhappy at the moment over a teacher luncheon that is planned for Tuesday. Our classes start in a few weeks. On Facebook, we are all contacting each other and suddenly, at my mention of one of our newest, people are dropping out. As in “I thought it would be the ‘cool’ of us, and it’s getting lame, I’m out”. I remember when I was new, and they all treated me like a leper. Now they expect me to do the same, and I called them out on it. Really????

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14 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

As you become an adult, you get to choose who are your friends and how you treat them.

Good for you for taking a stand.

janedelila's avatar

Thank you @gailcalled I am just having “geez Jane sucks, she’s not the stereotype, we hate her” flashbacks.

CWOTUS's avatar

This is one reason why I almost never hold back: I speak up pretty forcefully (mostly politely, I hope) for the things I believe in strongly. The “friends” who drop me after that weren’t really friends at all. The ones who stay know that I have their backs, too.

Speak up. Make new friends. Apparently some of your old “friends” are stuck in their high school cliques. Pity for them. Good for you.

Jeruba's avatar

Are you saying that a teacher who is new to the school is automatically a social outcast? Really? How very strange.

janedelila's avatar

I am sayin @Jeruba that I, the newbie, and a few others, aren’t “epitome” preschool teachers. We have our quirks, and aren’t the sweetness and light you may expect from the media. We are excellent teachers, though, or we would not be where we are. It took me five years to make “friends”. And now the others expect me to exclude the newbie cuz they don’t understand her, I won’t do it. That’s what going on, and I’m so very upset over it.

6rant6's avatar

@janedelila You didn’t mention that it was preschool in your OP. Everybody knows that’s a shark tank.

janedelila's avatar

@6rant6 More like a snake pit lately. We are part of the school district here, but I’m either not seeing it in the upper grades, or it isn’t happening. I’m guessing I just don’t see it.

abundantlife's avatar

You get to learn from your mistakes and you tend to choose friends better.

augustlan's avatar

High school scenarios never end for some people, sadly. You did the right thing.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

It is understandable how you feel. It’s one thing to become close friends with co-workers, but to exclude others in work situations is just plain immature, not to mention ineffective in building a positive work environment. Good for you for standing up to them.

On a side note, there is a personality characteristic called Includer. While we all have it to varying degrees, when it is ranked higher in a person’s assessment results, they often feel the same way that you do in these types of situations. Here is the description. Do you relate to it at all?

Includer
“Stretch the circle wider.” This is the philosophy around which you orient your life. You want to include people and make them feel part of the group. In direct contrast to those who are drawn only to exclusive groups, you actively avoid those groups that exclude others. You want to expand the group so that as many people as possible can benefit from its support. You hate the sight of someone on the outside looking in. You want to draw them in so that they can feel the warmth of the group. You are an instinctively accepting person. Regardless of race or sex or nationality or personality or faith, you cast few judgments. Judgments can hurt a person’s feelings. Why do that if you don’t have to? Your accepting nature does not necessarily rest on a belief that each of us is different and that one should respect these differences. Rather, it rests on your conviction that fundamentally we are all the same. We are all equally important. Thus, no one should be ignored. Each of us should be included. It is the least we all deserve. Source

Jeruba's avatar

That’s very interesting, @Pied_Pfeffer. Is there a term for somebody who doesn’t really like operating in groups very much, is often happier not being drawn in, and prefers to relate to others in twos and threes? Many’s the time that I have been pulled into a group by a kind, well-intentioned Includer when I really didn’t want anything to do with it and felt trapped in it.

Now at least I think I can see why they didn’t just leave me alone.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@Jeruba I’ll send you a PM.

janedelila's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer I get what you are saying. I see that in many others, but am not lke that. I personally am a loner, and made “friends” there on my own terms. But to exclude one person from an activity that everybody else was invited to, just for the same reason these people did this to me, pissed me off.

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