In a world gone mad, doves are now pilfering apples?

This morning I caught the little criminals in the act! I knew that pigeons loved chopped up apples, but I had no idea that mourning doves had any interest whatsoever in anything so big. It’s a crime I’ve been attributing to raccoons for years. I’m not a vindictive guy, and I realize that the birds, like me are just out to earn a living, but it really irritates me that they’ll take a peck at the fruit, dislodging it from the branch, then rather than following the apple to the ground, proceed to another treeborn fruit. Well this is the last season that I’m going to throw away 15 lbs of apples every other day. Nature may be wonderful, but any creature standing between me and my required quota of cakes, pies, tarts, jams etc is courting an assured and speedy death! I’m immediately suspending all business considerations here in an effort to pick the tree clean. I only pause here to allow flutherites so disposed to issue pleas of clemency on behalf of the so called “birds of peace” and their descendants in the upcoming year. I’ll check here later. All of you so inclined should be advised that those pleas had better be eloquent indeed!