Can I talk to you all about an issue that's near and dear to me and look for some thoughts or advice?

My mom has cancer and is currently doing very badly.

If she lasts a few more days, I’ll be surprised. I can’t say pleasantly surprised, because at this point, she’s not living, she’s existing.

She is not on painkillers and she says she has no pain, but to see her, she’s not doing well and not eating, blood pressure is very low, etc.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer six years ago and then it spread to her bones two years ago.

I have a 9 year old daughter who was very close to her Nana. We’ll be visiting today but I’m thinking we’ll not spend a lot of time in the room because I don’t want to traumatize my daughter. My mother looks very thin and is not doing anything but sipping soda.

I went to a grief counselor this week and will return in two weeks. I also called the school psychologist to get some ideas on what to say and how to say it. The grief counselor and the school psychologist were very helpful.

FB friends know I never mentioned this on FB and have not yet mentioned it here. I’m a pretty private person and I also am not one to look for sympathy or attention.

Some of my good friends don’t even know because it’s easier to say that my parents are fine than to say “my mom has cancer.”

My relationship with my mother has not always been rosy (the grief counselor says that’s 99% of us) but for my daughter, my mother has been like a second mother. My daughter has spent a lot of time at my parents’ house, and my mother did a lot of baking, crafts, reading, walks, all kinds of stuff with my daughter. We’ve also been on vacation every year to Cape Cod and for school breaks and stuff when I’ve had to work, my mom has been a great help. My daughter knows how to make pancakes from scratch, and when I asked her how she learned that because it’s not something I know how to do, she says “Nana.” That’s just one example. My mom is the hub of our family and parties and holidays are all spent at her house. She was an incredible cook (jambalaya, potato salad and strawberry shortcake are just 3 examples of her cooking), and everything would be from scratch. Really she gave my daughter a great foundation for the first 9 years of my daughter’s life.