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lostinyoureyes's avatar

Are there exceptions to "he's just not that into you"?

Asked by lostinyoureyes (1113 points ) October 8th, 2009

One of the signs that “he’s just not that into you” is that he doesn’t try to contact you because if he wants to find you, he will. And don’t get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he’ll do the asking. (According to Greg whatshisname that wrote the book.)

BUT I’ve heard guys say (esp here on Fluther), “Ladies please don’t be afraid to make the first move/ask a guy out. In fact, it’s much appreciated because there’s some much pressure on us to initiate.”

So which is it? I am so confused.

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15 Answers

Zen's avatar

It’s just a catchphrase. There’s always “He’s a little bit into you. Now do something about it.”

DrasticDreamer's avatar

First, you need to realize that you shouldn’t take the word of just one person. He wrote a book, from his perspective. Doesn’t make him right or wrong – it just means that’s his opinion. When it comes to dating there are no hard and fast rules. If you want to ask a guy out, do it. If you don’t, don’t. It’s all about what you are comfortable with. Stay true to yourself and your own feelings and you’ll attract people with the same ideas in mind.

I’ve never read the book, but I saw the movie. All in all, it had some pretty stupid “rules”, in my opinion.

cyndyh's avatar

Well, I think Greg whatzisname is probably pretty into his wife these days and not that into you. So, if you’re not talking about that Greg in particular then forgetaboutit. Do what you do.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

“He’s just not that into you” usually follows you taking the initiative in asking him out which there’s nothing wrong with, he just may to not feel much between you is possible after the little thrill of being asked out.

tb1570's avatar

Another rule, which has been around a lot longer than Greg Whatshisname and his book is: “Don’t believe everything you read.” If you’re interested in someone, let him know, clearly, in whatever way you feel comfortable.

Haleth's avatar

I don’t believe in rules that are set in stone. It’s fine to ask a guy out. One big reason is that he might have had no idea that you were into him, and was either oblivious or scared to make a move. And if you are just meeting each other, either of you could take the initiative. If the ball is in his court, he has plenty of opportunities to get in touch with you, and he still doesn’t do anything, it is really likely that he doesn’t dig you. Can you think of any really good reason that would keep a single guy from being with you if he really wanted to?

deni's avatar

Being straightforward in my opinion is always the best way to conduct a relationship. I think usually, if you think he might like you, he probably does and would love it if you made the first move….it seems its always worked out for me when i’ve stepped up!

PandoraBoxx's avatar

“He’s just not into you” applies to someone who is not responding after they’ve gone out with you, or has had repeated chances to ask you out. By all means, don’t be afraid to make the first move and ask a guy out. But if after awhile you’re doing all the work to maintain the relationship, or you’ve become a booty call, or a guy has your phone number, has talked to you, and doesn’t call you to go out, he really is just not interested in you, and there’s not much you can to to change it.

Jayne's avatar

Please, ladies, make the first move, because I sure as hell aren’t going to :)

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Yes, please! If there’s any women attending Cornell on Fluther, please ask Jayne out. Brainy boys deserve cute girlfriends.

cyndyh's avatar

Do brainy girls deserve cute boyfriends?

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Absolutely! They deserve good boyfriends, ones that adore them for their braininess.

cyndyh's avatar

Works for me.

tedibear's avatar

@PandoraBoxx – I wish I could give you more than one lurve for your answer. It was right on the money.

ellemac's avatar

Personally, I won’t ask a guy out only because like us all there’s always that feeling of rejection that none of us likes but maybe it’s my upbringing where guys where always meant to ask the girl out. Call me old fashioned on this one but honestly, if A guy is into you then surely he will ask you ou or at last get one of his mates to at least let you know they are interested….................Maybe it’s just me, I’m not really into the sleeping around or one nighht stand thing (although I have been caught in this trap at times in the past).
Plus, was it him who said he’s not that into you?? Maybe if you have a chat with him about it at least then you will kno and be able to move on xx Good Luck

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