How can I get my mother-in-law to respect our wishes?

I know this is long, but I am at a loss. I need advice and probably to vent a little. Plus, I really don’t know how to explain the entire situation any other way. Some info up front – my mother-in-law is extremely passive-aggressive. Every thing she says comes out in this soft, syrupy, sweet little mama voice.

She doesn’t like that I see through it and she has issues regarding me and my daughter. Sometimes it is like she wants to take the mother role (she used to tell her to call her “Mommy” when she babysat) and since she can’t she makes up for it by seeing to it that she buys my daughter’s entire wardrobe. And it pisses me off!

I know it sounds like I am simply ungrateful, but it truly is a power issue. I have no justification to buy my own child any clothes because she already has so much. My mother feels like she can’t buy any clothes either because she knows how annoyed I am by the sheer volume of clothing already in the house.

We have asked her many times to stop doing this and she simply will not quit. She said we could not deny her the pleasure of buying her granddaughter clothes. I don’t care if she buys some clothes, but it is at a ridiculous level. For a while she actually sneaked clothes into my daughter’s closet while babysitting! (My daughter told me.) She also takes the tags off before giving them so I cannot return them to the store.

Anyway, this year I decided to nip it in the bud. I bought winter clothes early and made sure she knew. I also sent a very polite email to her and my mom (I included my mom so my MIL wouldn’t feel singled out and I told my mom that before hand) asking them to please limit their clothing purchases to no more than five outfits for the season. My MIL went over that in October for my daughter’s birthday.

So she called tonight and said she was buying her a coat and dress. I told her she already has five coats. She said, “oh” like I had crushed her very soul. Then she said she went shopping the other day and I told her there are already so many clothes I cannot fit them in the dresser and she said “you need a lot of clothes when you go to school.” 1) This has been going on for four years 2) the kid is in pre-pre-K for god’s sake!

Just in case you think I am overreacting, here are pictures of what she bought my daughter when she was two. She literally had enough clothing to wear a completely different outfit every day for over a month. http://www.flickr.com/photos/37167599@N06/4175146979/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/37167599@N06/4175907508/ There was also an entire section of skirts and dresses to the left that wouldn’t fit in the photo.