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strawberrypomme's avatar

Is this an example of love, infatuation or fantasy?

Asked by strawberrypomme (206 points ) February 28th, 2010

I have been in love with a man for nearly 3 years now, or what I perceive to be love because no matter what I do I cannot forget him.
We first met when we were 18 and instantly got along well. He made me laugh and forget all my troubles.
After our initial meeting, we continued an on-off friendship, and later he told me his true feelings and how he had always liked me. I told him I felt the same.
But after a few crazy incidents, including a secret girlfriend and him moving to university a few hours away, we no longer speak. Despite all this, I still dream of him, think of him every day and am reminded of him by every little thing.
I’m really frustrated because I wish I didn’t have these feelings for him, and I don’t know how to get over it.

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29 Answers

davidbetterman's avatar

Infatuation with a sprinkling of fantasy.

12_func_multi_tool's avatar

unrequited love if that softens the blow but mostly infatuation with a sprinkling of obsession. Have you tried to put your energies elsewhere?

strawberrypomme's avatar

I have my studies and a lot of extra-curriculars to keep me busy but this only seems to be a temporary sanctuary from my thoughts.

I’ve met a lot of guys since, and even dated some but I find myself comparing the rest to him, which I know is wrong and unfair cause I end up ditching the other guys when I’m too overcome with the pain of having lost him.

12_func_multi_tool's avatar

I don’t know what to say.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

He truly seems like a waste of time.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

puppy love, someting along those lines, you’ll get over it when you meet someone else

partyparty's avatar

Think it is a case of ‘you always want what you can’t have’.
Find someone who lives nearer to you, and who cares about you.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You may had had a genuine attraction for him, but it was not returned. For love to really exist, there has to be a two-way relationship there, and it sounds like yours with him was a friendship on his side, if he had a girlfriend, his priorities were not with you. Part of love is actively choosing the the other person first, and while you may have chosen him, he did not choose you.

CMaz's avatar

“Is this an example of love, infatuation or fantasy?”

It is called delusional.

marinelife's avatar

First, you lay out the whole “relationship” as being about your feelings for him and his feelings for you, then you shorten the real relationship to “a few crazy incidents, including a secret girlfriend and him moving to university a few hours away, we no longer speak.”

Those few crazy incidents were you two together. He had a secret girlfriend?
He moved to a school a few hours away while you were supposed to be dating?

What is there to moon over here? It seems like you are comparing real guys to your fantasy of this guy, not the actual guy with his actual behavior.

Every time you start longing for him or thinking of him, remember that secret girlfriend and him just up and moving away.

john65pennington's avatar

If you know this guys email address, send him a short, to the point email. do not discuss how you feel about him, just a little message of hello and how are you? you will know what to do next, if he responds in a favorable way. sometimes, guys just don’t get the message.

ranwulf's avatar

…or you could just get hammered and show up at his apartment one night. His response or lack thereof will give you some clarity.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Fantasy at this point.

strawberrypomme's avatar

Thanks people, with each response I feel more and more stupid. Excellent outcome!!

phoebusg's avatar

I would express my feelings, notwithstanding the circumstances. Then you’ve done your part, he’s done his wrong. It’ll be easier to get over him if you do something about it first.
There’s nothing wrong with forgiving and loving one still, but he has some making up to do if this was to continue.

For the meantime, or after you talk/send him a letter etc… make some guy friends. Go for dates, as a distraction or looking at different prospects. Probably the easiest way to get over someone. You don’t have to date-date them, simply hang out and open up :)

Wish you best of luck :)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

It’s not love – it’s an obsession/hurt pride/ wanting something that’s gone kind of thing.

babaji's avatar

little bit o all of that.
but the love you feel is genuine,
but a bit hard to let go,
in time all will be right.

Violet's avatar

@strawberrypomme you last said “Thanks people, with each response I feel more and more stupid. Excellent outcome!!”, which seems like you are trying to make everyone feel guilty for their honest advice. You got some really great advice, just say thank you, instead of complaining.

strawberrypomme's avatar

@Violet

You seem to have misread my comment. I was genuinely thanking everyone for making me see how foolish I have been. And it truly is the outcome I was hoping for as deep down I know it’s about time I let go.

Next time let’s try and keep a cool head, ey Violet ;)

Trillian's avatar

Unresolved sexual tension.

Violet's avatar

@strawberrypomme it sounded incredibly sarcastic. And I stand by my comment:“seems like you are trying to make everyone feel guilty for their honest advice.”

strawberrypomme's avatar

Well oddly enough intonation does not translate well in written form, so how about you trust me on this, since you don’t know me and all.

strawberrypomme's avatar

Thank you to everyone who commented. I appreciate and fully take on board your advice and views. xD

Violet's avatar

you don’t need to PM me, and write your comment to me in a thread. If you want me to “keep a cool head”, don’t tell me “Next time let’s try and keep a cool head, ey Violet ;)”

CMaz's avatar

@Violet – Are you not keeping a cool head? ;-)

Violet's avatar

@ChazMaz I jumped to conclusions (I thought strawberrypomme was being sarcastic, and I thought I was defending everyone who had written a comment)

GrumpyGram's avatar

Time heals all wounds but i couldn’t help but reply and say the same thing* happened to me, the guy called a year afterwards and we got married!!

hotgirl67's avatar

It sounds like unrequited love with some infatuation thrown in there.Try finding someone else. I know that sounds easier said than done but he obviously hasn’t made any moves since.

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