I have questions for any bisexuals on fluther?

I haven’t lost any friends, because the friends I tend to attract are either so similar that they truly understand, or so open in other ways that they understand well enough. People who would reject me for these things are generally weeded out before becoming close.

I grew up with a lesbian mom, so it didn’t take me too terribly long to realize that it was OK to be attracted to whoever I find attractive. :) I vastly prefer guys, but I find enough women attractive to where people at both Kinsey extremes would call me bisexual. (I do prefer the term omnisexual, though.)

While I’ve heard that both gays and straights sometimes have trouble trusting/dating bi-folk, I haven’t found it to be true in my own dating experience. Then again, I also date the same sort of openminded people I befriend, and orthodoxy is generally not their strong suit.

But mostly, my “acceptance” went pretty easily, once I realized that they were my own feelings and that they weren’t due to just being raised to accept it being okay. I hope that makes sense.

i still am not sure if i could be bisexual…where i live and come from one doesn’t generally meet gay or bisexual people… i suppose there is just not that many about or i haven’t, mixed in those circles, or maybe i just haven’t known they were bisexual… I don’t mean to offend anyone btw… But i also grew up in a Christian family where the thought of being gay was just not right…so it was never an option… Now i think my family are more accepting of these people but probably still view it as “not normal”... so…

when i was a kid i used to be attracted to other girls (and sometimes did stuff)...is this a general thing that happens to girls growing up perhaps? boys not being as early developers as girls are – made me not interested in them? i don’t know…

I have never been with a girl, although i have kissed one and found it very nice, exciting…it was complicated though… so I don’t even know whether i would or not if the opportunity came along… But would i go and seek the opportunity? Probably not…because I’m not sure how i would deal with it if I was bisexual and I would then feel that i had to come out to them… boy that would be scary!

Maybe I’m denying an intrinsic part of myself that needs exploring.. and maybe everyone else should have to deal with it… if and when i decide that i am…or am not…

hmmmm i think you’ve prompted some deep thoughts in me here… I realise I’m probably not much help to you…but can i ask…When you say you felt different… how do you mean? Did you always feel attracted to both sides of the opposite sex? And when did you realise you were bi-sexual?

Even as a repressed teenager, I never understood being attracted or not attracted by what’s in the pants. In college, my fantasies about women became more clear (even while getting engaged and later married). It was only in my late twenties, early thirties that I acted upon those fantasies (and it was GREAT!).

I have found that when I am with a man and I profess to being bisexual, people are titillated (“ooh, kinky!”) but when I am with a woman and state that I am bi, they say “oh, you’re gay”.

I do find that some people are completely unable to grasp the concept of bisexual. It’s like they think I’m hedging my bets, or just unable to make up my mind, or I can only be with a man and a woman at the same time (!). It’s incredibly frustrating.

I myself am not bi, but best friend is. They came out in 8th grade and they have not had any problems. Anyone they have told is ok with it and stills hangs around him. Who ever he dates seems ok with the fact that be is also interested in the other sex. It personally hasn’t chAnged my view of him. The only thing is it’s kinda weird when he starts pointing out hot guys… Not that I am a homophob but I have known him since 2nd grade and up until 8th I thought that he was striaght

@Twidleywink “They”?

@syz i was going to say twidleywink was referring to two friends but then threw in a curve ball and said “he” maybe his friend has multiple personalities

I certainly qualify as bisexual in preference and practice, although I prefer just being called queer (although that can be confusing to people who don’t know queer is a blanket term for “not straight!”) and if I had to pick a term I’d say I was pansexual, which is the same as omnisexual. (Yeah, @laureth)! The reason I prefer queer is that even in my own mind, the term “bisexual” is just a little bit… derogatory, I guess. I’ve run into people who think bisexual is synonymous with slutty, or that bisexual people need to be dating men and women at the same time to be “fulfilled” or that it means you’re a straight woman who’s willing to have threesomes with her male SO and other women. It’s linked with that whole “ooh, kinky” thing that @syz mentioned. Gross, right? I hate those implications, so I hate telling people “I’m bi” – I’d rather just say “I date men and women” or “I have no preference when it comes to sex and gender.”

Anyway, semantics aside, I haven’t lost any friends. Anyone who I’m close to at all knows, and none of them seem to care at all, actually. I’ve been nervous about casually mentioning it to people I don’t know very well, or people like professors who I work with etc, but none of them have cared at all when it’s occasionally come up.

I’ve also heard that straight and gay people distrust bisexuals and are less likely to date them (especially gays/lesbians) but I haven’t found that true in practice. I’m dating a lesbian right now. And she definitely is aware that I’m bisexual, although she often brags that I’m getting “gayer by the minute” since being with her. :)

I started getting crushes on guys and girls at the same time. I started experimenting with girls first, but my first relationships were with men. I have considered myself bi since about 17, and despite being married to a woman for almost 8 years now, I still consider myself bi. It’s actually an indentifier I feel the need to express.

Despite what many people say, I believe there is a stigma on bis in the community, especially for women. Some gay girls won’t even consider going out (sex, maybe) with a bi girl. For some reason there is always the assumption that the girl is just experimenting, or even not strong enough to remove herself from the protection of male privilege. And I must say, many girls I have met who profess to be bi end up marrying men and do not continue to claim the bi sexuality.

That is why I always wear my Yes, I’m Bisexual button at Pride and my wife always wears her I ♥ Bisexuals button. I want to be visible. I am not a lesbian. I like having sex with men. I just happened to fall in love with a woman. If I could have found the right man (which for me, would be sooo hard to do), my life might be extremely different right now. But I love my wife. There is no one else out there for me.

There is a stigma, you don’t have to be bisexual to feel it. I’m straight but I have made out with plenty of girls. I can appreciate the beauty of other women and I am open to new and fun experiences, but I am not attracted to them in terms of a relationship or anything more than playful fun. Even just mentioning that can make you feel judged. I thinks sexuality is a on a sliding scale, some people don’t get that or can’t appreciate it in others. I have lost a few friends, mostly the very religious or judgmental to begin with when they found out I’d so much as hugged another woman, I can’t imagine those relationships would have lasted regardless.

I’ve also had potential boyfriends completely turned off by that behavior, which quite honestly, threw me off. Wasn’t expecting that. :P

Anyway, just, I’m not bi, but I get it. I hope you find more acceptance and love now and in the future. It’s a tough road staying true to yourself and values.

Some people can only see things in terms of black or white and are unable to grasp the concept of there being any shades of grey in between the two. I think that might account for the “distrust”. There’s totally gay and there’s totally straight, yeah, but there’s many, many different variations in between. But I really haven’t told a lot of people that I’m bi so I haven’t received any prejudice for it. I lost friends and family members when I had a sex change so I know how painful it is to to have that happen for just being who you are. People tend to view gender as only being male or female when there are actually many shades of grey between those two as well.

@asmonet I totally agree with your sliding scale statement

Not really, but I dont go around yelling it from the rooftops eiter…

I am always a little wary of telling people that I consider myself to be bisexual because I have not had a sexual experience with a woman. I know that I am bisexual because I am/have been attracted to women both sexually and romantically. I’ve learned that some people don’t need to know about my sexual and romantic preferences because they have a narrow idea of how sexuality is defined. Unfortunately, one of these people is my mother. When I sat her down and told her, her response was that she had those feelings when she was my age and everyone has those feelings and that they would fade. I learned that I should not talk to my mother about this.

Because I am in college, I think people might think that I am only experimenting. In truth, there are women that I have seriously considered being in a relationship with but they have been straight or in a relationship already. I find that it is easier to avoid talking about the subject because I am in a relationship (with a man) so my sexual preference right now means “Bob.”

That’s a good label, Kat. :)

Haha, thanks as. I think he would agree. :D

I agree, @KatawaGrey. Being married, my preference is “Mr. Laureth.”

I, too, have dated men more often than women. However, even a 15-yo who has never dated or had sex may still know where they lie on the homo/hetero line. By that measure, I feel like I’m 36 (my real age) with guys, but around women I still feel about sixteen, if that makes any sense.

@laureth: I think that’s an excellent way of putting it. I did not kiss anyone until I was 14. Does that mean I was asexual before that time? Nope, it most certainly does not. I think that many people also think that bisexuality is not a legitimate sexuality because you can only have a monogamous relationship with one person. Therefore, Laureth and I are straight because we have monogamous relationships with men and tinyfaery is gay because she has a monogamous relationship with a woman.

Thanks to everyone, this was helpful. I don’t really like the word ‘bi’ either, but if you say ‘I’m just sexual” or “omnisexual” (never tried ‘pansexual’) then they look at you like you might try to make some romantic moves on their dog or something. :D

I’ve been with both, but I like the sliding scale analogy. I would consider myself 80% hetero and 20% gay, as a lot more women turn me on than men, but occasionally, I’ll see a guy that makes my heart flutter, and it’s pretty scary because it usually happens at work. Not the place to find out if the guy would reciprocate the feelings.

One nice thing is my wife is so totally understanding, and realizes I have feelings for guys. She and I have had long, deep discussions about it and we have found a place where we are both comfortable should I find that hot guy I’ve always looked for. I think my gay tendencies would be mostly about sex, as I like women too much to consider maintaining a purely gay relationship. It’s complicated, but it does make life interesting, and having an interesting life has its advantages. It means that death by boredom is not an option.

And yeah, I do agree that saying you are bi makes people think you are a slut. That’s part of the reason I hate the word bisexual.

the only time sex is black and white is when zebras do it. :-)

Well…. here we have differnt words for it… like bisexual and biphile…. bisexual is in it mostly for the sex, while biphiles have a more romantic aporach… People often say that they are both, or a bit such, and a tad so…
But I belive we are all just humans and on asmonets sliding scale…. That sounded dirty in my mind for some reason

@evelyns_pet_zebra: You’re lucky to have such an understanding partner in your life! Plus, she can benefit from the girl’s version of a ‘cool threesome’. :P I josh I josh.

I’ll slide your scale. I mean, what.

@asmonet, don’t worry, my wife sees benefits and will take them when they appear. After being together for almost thirty years, and married for twenty, we do NOT have any secrets from each other. Being upfront and honest is what has kept us together for so long, I think.

Congrats. Really. :D
at least you’re not taking it for granted. :)

Just use plenty of lube when sliding on that scale, and look out for splinters!

..eep!