Is it silly to try to meet/date women when you're broke?

You’re not crazy, but I wouldn’t allow money to define a dating relationship.

I think if you are honest with whomever you want to date it is ok. Some depends on how old you are? If you are young, under 25, I think especially you can be dating right now. If you are over 35, I think it is tougher. The ages in between, are just inbetween, not sure what to say about that. When I started dating my husband at the age of 23 I had no idea where he would wind up in his career, all I knew was that he was a hard worker, valued education, had high integrity, and was responsible with the money he did have. I was more interested in the qualities that defined him rather than whether he could spend a lot of money on me. I don’t mind going dutch or doing things that don’t cost much, it is more about if you connect or not.

If you would be more comfortable waiting to date when you have money, then I would wait. Your friends should respect your feelings on this. Sure, there are lots of free things you can do with a date, but at some point, she will want to go to movies, dinners, etc and then you will end up feeling bad that you can’t do those types of things with her.

My wife and I had a lot of fun when we got started dating, and we were very poor at the time. I don’t think your financial standing has much to do with how women feel about you, provided you don’t plan to stay broke.

@chaosrob Ditto. My husband had an hourly wage at an entry level job, a lawn cutting job w/his uncle to help pay rent, and a bike to get around on. Whoa! Once he had pocket change and a car we started going to movies or going out to rent a few.

I’ve been broke all my life, and it has never stopped me from dating accomplished, powerful, beautiful women. (No looks, either. Just brains.)

I am in the same boat as many of the answerers. Me and hubby both were very poor when we met and we still had tons of fun. We are still low-income as a matter of fact (although in a much better position than when we met). I think @SpatzieLover put it perfectly. Money does not define you or your relationships. If the woman you are dating thinks that it should perhaps she isn’t the right one for you? It may be a good way to “test” the character of the women you are dating.

You’re not crazy,what you suffer from is a lack of pride.
No earned money equals no pride.

When I met my hubbs he was living in a run down house, had no money and honestly it didn’t matter to me. He’s an amazing man and lack of money couldn’t hide that.

I agree with it being a bit of a lithmus test to see if the people you are interested in are really interested in you- or if they’re more interested in being bought things for. If you are creative the woman probably won’t mind.

Hubbs and my first date was sidewalk chalk in the park after sunset. It was so beautiful. Way better than dinner and a movie.

No, it’s not silly. My husband was living paycheck to paycheck when we first met. We came home from our honeymoon with $37 to our name. There’s a lot of ways to spend time together & have fun without spending a lot of money. If there’s a girl you’re interested in, go for it. HER integrity will be put to the test then.

Wow, I am surprised at all the answers here. I’m currently broke, sorry @drdoombot, probably not as broke as you though and I am getting quite lonely myself. I do having money, but not really enough to be “going on dates” all the time. I guess all I’m wondering is, how do you go about dating someone without actually going on “dates”?

@Axemusica You can go on dates to places that don’t require money such as parks and some museums/art galleries. But also just hanging out and watching movies (ones you already own) can be fun and build a relationship.

@RedPowerLady that’s not what I was asking. Doing the “free” things would be the easy part. It’s the meeting these women that are willing to do so. I really don’t know anyone in my area, so meeting people isn’t an easy thing or at least I don’t know how to do so.

@Axemusica Hmmm…Let’s see what did my now husband & I do together:

*Listen to tunes
*Watch TV
*Order in pizza (or bake one ourselves)
*Visit parks/take hikes
*Cheapo movies
*Play video games
*Mess around
*Go for walks around our neighborhood
*******************************

As for meeting, we lived in the same apartment complex. A lot of people meet their significant other within a 5 mile radius of where they live.

@Axemusica What are you into? I bet there’s a club or gathering spot for something you’re into.

@Axemusica I know a lot of people who have met at Barnes and Nobel.

@Axemusica Apologies. I see what you mean now.

@JLeslie That’s one of our fav free-date/quick date spots to go. Books, music, coffee, dessert…comfy chairs. What more could you need?

@SpatzieLover I’m a musician that loves metal. Usually when a band is on you can’t hear someone you’re talking to, lol. As for meeting someone in my neighborhood, that’s highly unlikely. I lucked out & found this guy renting out a 3 story townhouse. Lets just say, I’m probably the only single person that doesn’t have kids in the area, lol.

@JLeslie that’s an idea, but how do you go about talking to someone with their face buried in a book? I know when I’m in B&N all I wanna do is read, lol. I could sit on the floor in an isle and read for hours. I usually warn the people I’m with if they suggest going into one, lol.

I think I just don’t know how to talk to people. These all seem like easy ways to meet people, but I get lost in my mind on what to say and before I know it I’ve missed my chance or convinced myself that it’s not worth trying.

Well, to be honest this particular Barnes and Noble seemed to be like a known pick up spot, I don’t know if that is true for all of them, I have been married forever, and am many times unaware of what is going on in front of my face. I think it works the normal way, you are reading a book, look at up at a girl/guy, and they return the glance and linger a little longer than typical. Eventually you move in LOL. Or if you are in the same section or having a coffee strike up a conversation. I assume meeting people still works that way. Comment on what they are reading I guess.

I met my husband at a dance club, we didn’t talk all that much that night, I thought he was cute, and a friend I was with happen to know him, which I didn’t know when I first scoped him out in the club. We went on a real date a couple of weeks later when I really got to know him more.

Is @F1 the new whipping boy? I say lay off him. Just MHO.

He is currently being flailed in more than one thread. How much is enough? I’m always a dick, and no one is mean to me.

It’s not silly unless you like gold digger type women.

I’m surrounded and outnumbered. Hey @F1, quit being a male organ of sexual congress.

I do not conform and wont be pressganged.

Nonconformity does not equal being smarmy and repugnant.

In a totally general and non-specific way.

[mod says] Personal attacks are not permitted, and have been removed. Let’s get back on track, please.

Being broke while creatively trying to render a business plan for a business idea I have, which I expect to catapult me to independence. But these days I am still broke. My options would be to have no life, or to hit the road with what I got, which usually equals zero. I even ask people on the metro to charge my card with trips, so you see.

I’m going to tell you how it works for me and hope to somehow inspire you to live the best of your life as it is now.

I enjoy very interesting nights out where I meet people and then just tell them I’m broke when something to be paid is on the horizon, many times I just get help from them and hey, I don’t feel guilty. I am generous when I have it and not a wussy if I’m broke.

As for dates and relationships, I am 26 and currently going out with a 36 year old woman who is totally okay with supporting our partying. My previous relationship has been with a 30 year old woman that also sponsored me for a while (wild style really).

The thing for me is to be upfront and still convey a passion and determination to go somewhere with your life. If you are ambitious enough, you don’t even need a place of your own, you will be having fun with interesting mature women that have their own place. Last year I was with my parents still (now I’m in a shared apt) and that didn’t stop me from having a wild time with a 50 year old woman that totally spoiled me.

I prefer older women anyway. As for you, I understand if you want a relationship, yet in any case, don’t take it too serious in the first couple of months because it’s not easy to have a great relationship these days. So you need to go for trial and error for a while. Take it easy, enjoy the ride.

And keep focused on your mission as a man, which now seems to be to study. Also focus on doing something that sets you apart, as to make you more interesting to women. Be unique in some way.

And don’t be afraid to take chances. There is no better school than practice. Don’t come back to your room after a failure — failures are master teachers.

Oh, and google Observing Ego.

But if you do meet someone while broke at least you will know they aren’t just pretending to be interested in you for your money

Unless you love a shallow and overly expensive woman there is no craziness in dating while broke. If it’s meant to be she won’t need to be “spoiled” <3 – LB

@drdoombot, I’m not sure where you love, but here the unemployment rate is 11.6%. You have plenty of company. There are lots of ways to meet people, not the least of which is to network through friends and family. Tell people you’re interested in dating and want to meet new people.

I have to agree with @ElleBee. Grad students are always frugal. My daughter and her friends have a weekly board games night. They take turns hosting it, usually on a Sunday night, with a potluck supper. One or two nights a month is salsa dancing, which means going out around 10:00. There’s also free things at the art museum, street festivals, art fairs, watching movies at people’s houses, etc.

This is a really thought-provoking question: I’ve entertained this dilemma at times, and the battle is always philosophy versus practicality. On the one hand, the usual answers would be to be yourself, money doesn’t matter, meet a girl and things will work out.

In reality, I think your confidence is shot when you’re broke – and if you do not exude confidence, you probably won’t attract a girl you’d like to go out with, It’s a vicious cycle.

@Axemusica I know a few young couples that met on those ever commercialized web dating sites, too.

You need to find a woman who likes to play sports..cycle, tennis, outdoors…free as a bird..in a word.

I have dated plenty of guys that were broke some were broke and bums <——-which sounds like you don’t fall in this category and it never affected my relationships. When one of my bf’s ever expressed how they felt bad or guilty about not being able to pay for things I would tell them that if I was in their position and they had money I know they would do the same for me. You just need to find a girl you like that isn’t so much into material things and really likes you because I can almost guarantee she won’t mind.

Also there are plenty of things you can do for dates that don’t cost money. Going on hikes, picnics, festivals, and so on.

Great question. Why are men expected to pay anyway?

I make more money than my boyfriend and am happy that I can take him out to do stuff he wouldn’t be able to afford. But most of the time we just stay in and cook and have a hell of a time together anyway. My favorite thing to do is just to hang out and talk to him. $0.

@nikipedia I’d love to see a follow up of this thread in 6 months, a year… you wrote: I make more money than my boyfriend and am happy that I can take him out to do stuff he wouldn’t be able to afford. But most of the time we just stay in and cook and have a hell of a time together anyway. Let me know how it worked out for you. Good luck.

that depends.. do you want a relationship with a person or an orifice?

@BBQsomeCows Oh OH I know this one: can I pick door number three for both, Bob? (sorry to hijack this thread).

@NewZen: It has been three years…I have always made more than him and felt the same.

I think it’s different when you’re broke and you’re with someone already (I’ve been in that situation before; in fact, we continued on in our relationship for quite a long time, despite not being able to “go” anywhere). I find it difficult, however, to hook up with a brand new stranger while being broke.

Still, there’s lots of great information in this thread for me to think about.

A majority of the guys I was referring to was broke when we first met.

@drdoombot Neither my husband or I had money when we met. I understand your thought process….however, how would most HS or college kids ever date under that philosophy?

I think it makes a big difference whether you start dating “organically” (like meeting a friend of a friend, or someone you just happen to meet in the course of your everyday life) or whether you’re actively trying to meet someone to start dating (like trying to find someone at a pickup spot or a personal ad, etc.) Someone you meet organically is likely to respond more to who you are, IME. Someone you meet who’s also looking specifically to meet someone is more likely to have certain “qualifications” in mind for the person they want to find, and a certain level of finances (not necessarily wealth) is likely to be part of that. So they may “screen” you out before getting to realize they might like you anyway… ;-)

@SpatzieLover those cost money and that’s money I’m not willing to spend.

@Axemusica I didn’t know that you had to pay to be on those.

Well I think you shouldn’t let money get in the way of things you want like that. Love can’t be bought anyway not real love anyway. Be up front with em let em know you wanna take it slow cause at the moment I can’t treat you as well as I would like. And if ur a sweetheart and so is she, she won’t mind a sweet and honest guy.

If you are under 25 or going to grad school or something…no. But you have to be up front. If you chat up someone that you are interested in, then slip it into the conversation, ” I would love to ask you out, but it might have to be for a hike or a museum trip…as I am not working at the moment, I’m busy studying for an exam to get into Jelly Bean University.” Or whatever. If you are older and unemployed….well, it’s not a surprise with the economy, right? Once again, honesty is the best way to do it. ” I find you attractive and would like to ask you out…but it might have to be something simple…like a picnic or a walk for now as I was made redundant and am looking for work.” It’s always best to be honest…..and if she isn’t interested, then she isn’t for you. Go on to the next possibility…and don’t let that stop you if you are truly wanting companionship.
The reason I feel that you should mention it is not for her information, but also the pressure on YOU. You don’t want to take her somewhere and she orders the biggest thing on the menu, right? Or have her wondering why you are so “cheap.” Women do understand as long as they know all the facts. If you pretend to be something you are not….they generally do get upset. Less pressure on you, too, see?

@SpatzieLover you don’t have to pay to be on them, but you do have to pay to interact with others.

I’d say, go for it! If anything, it will help you to weed out the ladies who are more hung up on things like money. I’m a grad student and so are many of my friends. None of us make much money, but people date, nonetheless. The coffee date isn’t too expensive, for one. Other dates can involve going to free events. Check newspapers and other community or university listings for free or low-cost listings. You can go for a walk and maybe bring some food for a picnic. Actually, these ideas sound better to me than sitting at some stuffy restaurant! Also, if my date spoke passionately about his occupational ambitions and how he was working to achieve them, I would be impressed.