How would you initiate conversation is situations where it's hard for you to do?

I don’t know how many times I’ve advised someone that, to solve the problem they are having, they should start by trying to communicate with their SO. Probably hundreds. Sometimes I take the next step and suggest counseling, as well. I know that can work to open up communication.

In my case, the issue was sex, and I was afraid my wife would leave me if I told her what I wanted. Or I would leave her if she didn’t make some accommodation. We took it up with a counselor, and that was very helpful, and I don’t know if we could have done it without that kind of help.

So in a situation where the help of a third party is not an option, how do you get over your fears in order to open up? What can we tell people that is realistic and helpful? “Just do it,” doesn’t work. It just makes people feel bad when they can’t do it. People could be afraid of anger or violence or emotional violence. How can they cope with these things if they don’t have any help, and their partner is resisting?