Are you a wife or a mother first?

Earlier this year a certain writer caused a mini media storm by saying that the loss of her husband would be more devastating to her than the loss of her children. Many women found this opinion outrageous.

Pearl Buck wrote that an American woman is a wife first and a mother second, while a Chinese woman is vice versa. I seem to recall Ann Landers (or maybe it was Abby) advising a woman to side with her husband if she had to choose between the needs of her husband and those of her (adult?) children. These attitudes surprised me when I read them.

If you are both a wife and a mother, which is more important to you? If you’re not, what do you think the wives & mothers in your life would say?