Why is it difficult to take care of ourselves?

Many of us work in positions where we care and advocate for our clients. Others of us are caretakers at home or are seen as the people others go to for support. We are parents and friends and we all give a lot of ourselves to others. Some of us more than others have a really hard time (I’m in this group) taking care of ourselves or realizing we need to self-advocate. Why does this happen? Is it because we hold ourselves to a higher standard or is it something else? Sometimes I feel like I am two different people – the person who has all this energy and strength for others and this weak person who has no strength for myself.

I wasn’t necessarily raised to give more of myself to others and we don’t live in a selfless world. Are there are more people who care more about themselves than others or is it the other way around? What I’m asking is: in your life, what is the balance between how good you are to others and how good you are to yourself? Why is it so hard to learn to put ourselves first and why, when some of us do so, it all goes awry and we become too selfish?

As a mother and a partner and an activist and a working person, I am constantly in flux and in guilt, trying to convince myself that if I am not well, nothing will go right and I am much better at taking care of myself than other moms I know in terms of how much independence and extracurricular time I set aside for myself. I had to literally learn how to be this way through conditioning myself. If it wasn’t for my boss who has (through repetition) convinced me that my mental and physical well being is the most important thing to her, I wouldn’t think that because my parents never taught me self-care. It is simply not something we teach each other in this society. And if we do, it’s all about consumption and self-care through gluttonous spending.

Did your parents teach you anything about self-care, its relative importance to caring for others and how do you (if you parent) approach this subject with others?