[NSFW] What are the most creative lengths to which you've gone, in the name of self-pleasure?

This question is a product of several factors over a couple of days. First, this Yahoo Answers question, regarding very creative ways to make a homemade sex toy for a guy.

I admit that I’ve spent time considering what I would do if I had a penis. For example, I totally would own a Fleshlight or something similar.

In a conversation with a friend, I admitted that I’d probably get in trouble if I had a penis, because I’d want to put it in everything just to see how it felt. The American Pie kid? Yeah, that’d be me.

Anyway, there are all sorts of creative ways and means to self-stimulate and what can I say, I find the topic to be amusing and interesting. I’m wondering if any of you would be willing to admit some of your more creative methods?

This question is open to anyone, not just guys.