What is the term for this behaviour?

I’m jettisoning the aftereffects of the way I decided to deal with someone else’s behaviour toward me, and some of that behaviour was confusing. Context:

When I was a little girl, if I got or was doing something positive that my guardian didn’t get when she was young or wasn’t getting in her life at that time, she would claim pride in public, but behind closed doors, oh my. “Who do you think you are?”, “You must think you’re better than somebody!” “You’re just selfish and self-centered!” This was said with absolute authority, and usually accompanied by a beating for some imaginary infraction. It was frightening and angering for me, especially since even then I knew that the “infraction” was a pretext, but I couldn’t defend myself without her getting angrier and more violent.

To stay “safe”, I decided to accept what she was saying about me and ended up living a bare minimum sort of life from adolescence on. Because I was a kid, I felt responsible for how she felt about herself. The automatic behaviours I adopted that I didn’t even realize was because of that decision I made as a kid are staggering; mainly “hiding” so that people wouldn’t feel threatened by me and not asking for help because that would be “bothering” others. These have been difficult to stop. Yes, therapy, thanks, on it.

Every once in a while, though, she would say things like, “You can do it if you try really hard and ignore people who’re trying to put you down!” I’d say this would occur once or twice in a year’s worth of lecturing/“punishment”.

Is there a term or a phrase for the sort of behaviour of people who overall are very abusive, but every so often will act in a positive or kind way?