Need help correcting the story?

I just created a following story. It’s about the superstitions and people’s disbelief.

The cawing crows on a leafless tree never know how many souls they will have to make free in a day and dying men never know which crow will make them free, some time later one of the crows leaves the tree & makes a soul free. The fool crow gets delighted as he becomes the first to have made/to make the soul free, but actually he is used to sitting there awaiting to quench his appetite and not to make a soul free, but in the real sense, the great soul leaves the body immediately after death and becomes sacred. The soul begins a new journey by accepting a new body and the almighty, omniscient and omnipotent lord keeps the cycle to be continued.

Can the sentence in bold also be written like,

The fool crow gets delighted as he becomes the first crow who has touched.

I want to know the difference between these two and also is this story grammatically correct?

Thanks