How can I become Godly again?

I have kind of taken the route of, “I’m going to do this all by myself.” With that mentality I definitely have gotten a lot of personal accomplishments. But I feel like my relationship with God is near non existent. I know I still love God and I do pray from time to time… very minimal now and when I do it is probably because of a high pressure situation. I just wish I was back to that consciousness that God is in me always. I have been hostile in my mindset for the past couple years and I don’t want this to be permanent. I am however against going to church as I feel like although there a lot of good people, I feel like these good people just do good things for each other plus the whole hierarchy/political stances discussions and I would rather, “Walk among the weeds” as Johnny Cash put it. Best advice? I’m in need of peace and love. I’m soon to get married and soon to have my first child late April. I’m not the traditional Christian by any means. I’m of Jewish descent, and believe in the New Testament. I love art, I love independent music, I believe in the Gay and Lesbian community. I just believe there is a lot of good left in humanity overall but the older I get, the more I learn the more I feel like I’m getting a stomach ache of reality, shouldn’t have bit the apple, so to speak. Feel free to message me as I’m sure there’s bound to be some kind of debate when I’m merely seeking Godly advice. Thank you so much.