Unwanted surprise party planned... what would you do? (details inside)

Last night, I got the most distressing news. My ex-husband decided to plan a surprise farewell party for me and is handing out flyers to an unknown number of people. He even sent it to my family in Florida and Montana.

The flyer says this:
3 Reasons to Party with Linguaphile
1. Farewell
2. Birthday
3. Rugby
*Lingua is going to the University of Colorado to pursue her lifelong dream
*Last year her dumb ass, hairy, anger-driven, depressed ex husband did not host a 40th birtday for her, so this will be a late 40th, early 41st
*Our son has a rugby game that day at the same park, so she’ll be there. There is no need to play any kind of trickery

Last night, when I found out, I was the most mortified I have ever been in my life, and I’ve had greatly embarrassing moments.

Here are my problems: He knows I thoroughly hate surprise parties, don’t like the attention, and I’ve said countless times that I didn’t want a farewell party with the people here. He has never celebrated my birthday in 13 years. I have never told anyone in my community about his abuse and have kept everything peachy on the front—his self-description is appalling. This party is not about me, but a way for him to assuage his guilt.

My dilemma—and my question to the Flutherinverse… If I make him cancel it, he will milk the situation for victimhood, “I was just trying to be niii-iiice!” and will do this in front of my kids. He will make sure I look like a bitch. I am at wit’s end right now and not thinking clearly.

I’m asking for input from everyone on what you would do if this happened to you or someone you cared about?