Why do people tell me this is a selfish reason to not want a pregnacy?

Hi everyone,

I’m a 23 year old female who wants a family someday but really doesn’t want the experience and after effects of a pregnancy. The main reason is that horrible varicose veins run on both sides of my family and my mother is especially affected by them.

In fact, I’m already starting to suffer from it myself! :( Despite being a good weight for my frame and having a healthy diet, moderate activity level, barely wearing heels, sitting with my ankles crossed etc – my legs are already covered with purple and red spider veins. I also have pain, numbness and tingling. The other night I cried myself to sleep because I found a flesh colored (thank god) varicose vein on the back of my thigh that wasn’t even there a week ago!

Doctors don’t take me seriously and when I ask them why this is happening to me they tell me I’m “just lucky” and basically suggest that I spend the rest of my life on my back with my feet up wearing old lady support hose. Basically there’s nothing I can do until I have the money for cosmetic procedures…if those even work.

My mom has suffered so much because of her legs. Not only because of the unsightliness but also the surgeries, pain and swelling. One of her ankles is so swollen with edema it’s noticeably bigger than the other. I think she’s also had ulcers on her legs/feet due to poor circulation. The sad thing is that she also doesn’t exacerbate it by being overweight – (she’s a size 6 at 54 years old) but her legs are very heavy and lumpy looking from all the veins and cellulite. It’s probably mostly fluid from bad circulation…

To me, I don’t just see this as an aesthetic problem – it’s also a health and quality of life problem. So why do so many people (including my mom) balk so hard when I tell them I would rather adopt my children than cause myself a lifetime of discomfort? If I’m already having issues now imagine how bad it would be after 9 months of strain plus the pressure of pushing during childbirth!

People tell me I’m vain but I don’t think so, I’m just pragmatic and I think it’s good that I’m realistic about what would happen. I think the real thing I want to discuss is why are women (specifically American women) expected to sacrifice EVERYTHING for this elusive idea of “motherhood”. As if choosing to have a family and protect myself would make me less of a mother because I didn’t “earn” it or something…