My brother has galvanized my friends to launch a Spanish Inquisition into my life!

After the sudden death of my mother a few months ago, my boyfriend and I decided to take a temporary leave of absence from our beloved NYC to come to South America for a couple of years and restabalize ourselves a bit and save some money. Since the cost of living is much lower here.

He has a very loving and supportive family here who has offered to help him finish his education and we’ve both been working to save money for our future life back in the states. I work as a certified English teacher at a great company and I love my job. I also work as a freelance blogger, copywriter and PR writer for companies in London and back in NYC to make additional income and maintain my professional status. I have several potential employers expressing an interest in hiring me full-time when we return.

For once, I look at my bank accounts and see MORE money than I thought I have. Make enough to pay living expenses, debts and save for the future. We’re both happy here for the time being and feel good about our decision. He’ll finish his education and work part-time, and I’ll continue working full-time. We hope to save 5K each in separate bank accounts before we return in two years time.

The problem is, my older brother doesn’t think I should be here and is giving me a really hard time. The other night, he and three of my friends messaged me on FB all at once, which I thought was weird. It turns out, he had gone behind my back and asked them all to tell me that they don’t approve of my decision to live abroad temporarily, think I’m being a loser and making a huge mistake, that my boyfriend has “brainwashed” me and all other types of nonsense.

Needless to say, I was a little upset. Two of the friends he had approached to do this thought he was being stupid and that I should do what I want. But him and one of my friends started concern-trolling me saying I’m “not in my right mind” since my mother died and that I’m “just doing it for [my] boyfriend”.

This is absolutely not true. Sure, I’ve been sad about my mother and struggling to deal with my broken relationship about my father but I’m not crazy and my boyfriend has certainly not “brainwashed” me. I have very practical reasons for doing what I do, some of them driven by the bottom line and others driven by the fact that I needed some distance from my “old life” after having a truly traumatic experience.

I’m a 24-year old grown woman, yes I love my boyfriend, I have a job and I live my life. What’s wrong with that? I know my brother and my friends miss me but part of me just wants to say “If you’re not going to pay my bills, give me a place to live and rebuild my life then you have no standing.”

I’ll admit, I was a little apprehensive to stay in South America at first and it was my boyfriend’s suggestion but after a few months, I’ve started to get my footing and I’m feeling good about being here. My boyfriend and I did have a brief rocky stage in our relationship after my Mom died due to stress on both of us but in general, things have always been good between us and they’ve been better than ever the past month or so. It’s not fair of them to villianize my partner and try to act like I don’t have agency of my own to make choices. It makes my blood boil and it’s insulting to my intelligence.

I’ve modeled and worked in NYC, I’ve lived and worked in Europe and now I’m living in South America. I’ve always done what I wanted to do and supported myself in the process. Now my brother says that my mother wouldn’t “approve” of this but she’s always approved of me doing what I want. And furthermore, it’s not fair to invoke our dead mother’s name to push his agenda and speak for her when she can’t speak for herself. That also pissed me off and I thought it was childish and tacky.

How do I deal with this? I’ve told him all the reasons why I’m doing this and I’m trying to be as reasonable as possible. He said that he was “crying himself to sleep” over me being here which to me just seems childish and overly dramatic. (He’s a 33 year old man by the way) He also said that I’m “all he has left of Mom” which is just too much pressure since I’m NOT our Mom!

I’m really annoyed with him going behind my back like a 15 year old girl and trying to use my friends to emotionally gangbang me. I shouldn’t have to explain my life to people as an adult, especially when frankly I’m doing fine. I just want to tell them to focus on their own (numerous) problems instead of my imaginary ones.