Is this unhealthy?

I am a pacer and a talker. I am also a pacer and thinker. This behavoir also channels into my driving.

I have started a upsurge in this behavoir and have simultaneously found it increasingly difficult or impossible to meditate.

Not only is this wasted time. Though it does help me organize my thoughts and emotions. But the erractic nature of it makes me noteworthy.

For instance. I don’t live in the best neighborhood and yet I will be walking and talking on the phone and suddenly O have traversed the neighborhood multiple times. Or in a grocery store I could go in with an idea of items to get maybe two or three. I will walk the store several times over and may come to the item and decide against it and for another item. Bypass it and then eventually come back to it to realize I don’t want it. Then leave the store with empty hands to go to the next store or to go for a drive.

Another example is I like walking. If I get caught in my mind or get emotionally caught up in something I will often leave the path completely. I haven’t as of yet gotten really lost. I prefer walking by water or up something so there is always some sort of idea of which way I should be going.

Driving is also emotional for me. I can drive correctly anf diligently when that is my focus. Most of the time that is not the case but still I have confidence behind the wheel. Since I haven’t been or caused an accident in years I think that says the most as a fact and not a biased opinion. The early one’s being a rough and tumble and learning experience which fortunately no one got hurt. I drive to unwind but sometimes especially if someone is with me it winds me up. People who have seen me drive for recreation at first are horrified.

Yet they continue to ride with me and almost always prefer me to drive with only the occasional cringe or make a flip remark.

Say we have a destination and the topic will go to something I’m passionate about. I will become more confident and agressive. But driving becomes the secondary task and often I take an indirect route. So on and so forth.

So with the spike in this behavoir I’m worried as to what it actually accomplishes for the time it wastes. Also it seems to be a compulsion.

Compulsions promote imbalance. So how to mitigate this behavoir, even though I like it and it now seems the only effective way for me to go to sleep. Why am I suddenly so resistent to meditating when I was actually making leaps and bounds.