Where is this relationship going?

Here it is. Another relationship question, for those of you who (hopefully) have not grown tired of advising confused individuals like me about the same problems.

One month ago I met someone fantastic. We had been Internet friends for years, and I just happened to be in his city so we met for an evening. It was wonderful. I totally did not expect it, but I suppose that’s when you meet people.

First, this is a long distance thing. Both of us have the ability to relocate at some point if necessary (he even made this clear), and both of us can easily afford travel expenses. I do not foresee distance being a huge issue. Both of us also have busy lives, so infrequent visits are best for the time being.

(But back to the story…)

Our evening was so fantastic, that we arranged to meet again a few weeks later. I flew back for a weekend. It was seriously life altering (for me anyway). I’ve never met anyone that I enjoyed being with that much, both intellectually and sexually. Woah. He did not spare any expense, each dinner was lovelier than the one before, and he was a gentleman, and put thought into our visit.

Ever since, I have been a complete mess. This is all I can think about, two weeks later. I have managed to compose myself, but it has been difficult. I’ve managed to take a little distance from him, if only to order my thoughts and avoid being entirely impulsive. Just because I have built a facade doesn’t mean I’m not going crazy though.

I began to realise quickly after our visit that I was in danger of becoming a little too accessible. I do not want to be a convenient girl that flies to his city for a weekend of steamy intimacy and then departs soon after. I want to be the girl, and anything less is not going to do. I bought the book about dating rules (sad, I know), and have since been following it to an extent.

I stopped messaging him first, and after a couple days of not speaking, he messaged me. The first things he said were that he was beginning to miss me, and he set a date to come to visit me when I move to my new home (I am abroad for a good six weeks at the moment).

After that, two more days went by without communication. The next time he spoke to me, he started the conversation off with how it is such a shame we live so far apart. Attempting to be a bit detached, I asked him why, and he replied saying because he likes me so much. I made it clear that the feeling was mutual, and he said that this made him very happy. Later on in the conversation, I mentioned that I may be returning to my new home earlier than expected. He promptly suggested that I visit him. I said that I would not be able to (as I genuinely cannot, and also because it would be nice if he could make the effort to see me). He made no mention of coming to see me earlier, or both times. The conversation actually sort of died, with him going to bed.

The next day, he messaged again. We did not talk very much but he mentioned that he would like nothing more than to be with me somewhere tropical, reading and drinking cocktails all day and having sex. After a bit of fantasising about that with him, I ended the conversation and went along with my day.

So far, that’s that. There are a number of great things about this (relationship? Whatever it is…). He admires my accomplishments, appreciates my brain, we have so many things in common, lots of laughs, thinks I’m pretty and said that it was the best sex he had ever had. From being friends with him for so long, I know that he likes having a girlfriend. He was not inappropriate in our friendship when he had a long term relationship, and that relationship has been over for more than a year.

The problems are that I have no idea where this is going. I have no idea whether I’m just fun to him or whether he’s thinking long term. This bothers me to no end, but I do not want to too eagerly bring up the subject, and scare him off. I am hoping that he will communicate these things to me if he feels this way. When we were together last, we skirted around the subject. He randomly said he wasn’t going to meet anyone else, because he works so much. He then said I might meet someone at my new job. I said that I didn’t see that happening, and he told me that you meet people when you aren’t looking for them. I found this to be a little confusing and disconcerting. It made me feel a bit empty. Right after, he mentioned how he had ‘no strings attached’ in his city, and could move anywhere.

About a year ago when we were friends he mentioned for awhile that we would make a great couple, and that it was his mission that I’d be his girlfriend at some point. I never really knew how serious he was about this, and at that point in life I was not interested in that.

Since all this, he’s done all the communicating to me, told me his father thought I was pretty, left pictures of us on his Facebook page….but he still has a dating profile he logs into, and has disappeared for whole nights/mornings on the weekends.

Am I being insecure? Should things like this bother me? Does it point to the relations we are having as just being a fling? I’m not sure why this has disarmed me to such an extent, but things like this are why I have tried to remain a little aloof about our romance for the time being. I sense some ‘serious’ aspects of his behaviour towards me, alongside some ‘redflags’. I tell myself though that realistically this has only been a one month thing, over a very long distance, and that I shouldn’t have such expectations so soon. I also can’t help but feel that maybe I’m so scared of these feelings, I’m not picking up on what he is telling me…

For crying out loud, what should I think of this situation? Thank you to anyone who managed to read or even skim this. Sometimes you find yourself with few people to discuss such experiences, and I really appreciate being able to share here.