Do you think I handled this correctly, or should I have done something different?

First off, I’d like you to know that in almost every respect, my daughter, Jackie is an awesome mother. Really, one of the best. She doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs. Her kids are always clean, appropriately dressed and happy. Above all, they’re happy. She’s involved in their school and in their lives. She loves them so very, very much, and she doesn’t just say it. She shows it. She is a great Mom…except when it comes to the men in her life.

Jackie, is 27. She has a 10 year old daughter, Alisa, and a 7 year old named Zach, and in Feb. she had a baby by a guy, Alex, who she’s been dating (off and on) for about 5 years. They actually had plans to get married last summer, but fortunately she called that off.

Alex, the baby’s father, is a jerk. No doubt about that. For example, when she was pg he’d say things like, “How do you think it makes me feel when people ask me ‘How do you even know the baby is yours?’” He knew damn good and well it’s his! Jackie doesn’t play around casually like that, and he knows it. He had NO reason for saying it, other than to push her buttons.

She has as little to do with him as possible now, but he’s always sending her texts like, “Who are you f***ing now? How many at a time?” Just ugly, UGLY stuff.

She grew up without a dad, and she has always wanted the kid’s fathers to be an active part of their lives. In times past they’ve actually tried to walk away from the kids, but she fought it and now she has a very good relationship with the fathers AND their wives. It’s something not every woman could accomplish. In fact, if she wants to be sure something is taken care of, she calls the kids’ stepmothers.

Anyway, she has agreed to let Alex have the baby 1 day a week, the only day he has off. He lives 30 miles away. They meet at a “neutral” place, which happens to be my house, which is OK. He won’t go apeshit while I’m around. (He has absolutely NO respect for women, but he’s a little scared of me, I think. I think he recognizes a strong women, and that intimidates him.)

Today she showed up with the baby and her daughter. Alisa was on the porch with me when Jackie and Alex got into a disagreement out by his car, in the street. I have to tell you, my daughter has a hard time just keeping her mouth shut when he’s around.

Long story short, she ended up screaming at him that he was a “Fucking prick!” as he was driving away.

Alisa went to get back in her truck after he left, but Jackie told her to go back on the porch with me. She was calling Alex on the phone and a moment later she proceeded to call him a “Fucking asshole!” over the phone. Alisa could still hear it.

I was so mortified, floored so distressed for Alisa. I have NEVER used such language, even when there were no kids around, and certainly not while standing in the street in public! All I can imagine is that when she was growing up in the 80’s and 90’s that “being a bitch is cool,” thing started taking ugly, horrible root. I don’t know where else that nasty ugliness came from.

I hesitated to call her on it because she doesn’t take criticism “well,” if you know what I mean, but I felt like I HAD to, for her kid’s sakes.

I sent her the following message on FB (I didn’t hide (****) any words because I hoped they’d have a fuller impact on her that way):

“Jackie, I don’t know if you didn’t realize this, or you were too angry to care, but Alisa (and the baby) heard every word you said to Alex, including “You fucking prick!” and “You fucking asshole!” Whatever he did, your foul language didn’t help, didn’t change a single thing. I guess it made you feel better, but it stressed Alisa out, and scared her, although she didn’t say anything.
Is that really the kind of example you want to set for her, and Zach and the baby, to have relationships where that kind of thing goes on? Do you want Alisa to end up in relationships where she’s screaming, “You fucking prick!” in the middle of the street, or even in private or ANYwhere? Do you want Zach to be the kind of guy who screams “You fucking BITCH!” at his girlfriends?
Also, I can’t believe you wouldn’t go out of your way, sacrifice your desire to rage at Alex, to keep him calm instead, so he doesn’t get angry and take it out in his driving with the baby in the car, or even on the baby. You saw how he drove away, angrily. That’s just dangerous.
There is no “But he did this! But he did that!” You and you alone are in control of what comes out of your mouth, not Alex.”

I geared up for a tirade, but all she sent back was “Fine Mom.” The tirade may come later, though.

What do you guys think? To harsh, too easy, too….what? I don’t know. It was just sickening. What else can I do?