What is the best way to respond to the question, "How are you feeling?"?

I do not enjoy being dishonest. But I do also do not enjoy being dragged into certain states out of courtesy. Let me explain. Bear with me.

If I say, “I’m fine,” this feels like a lie. And my closest friends can really see through it. Many of them ask and are legitimately concerned because of the health concerns I have had in the past couple of years. But if I am just hanging on, attempting to be somewhere (here, right now), then I can interpret this to mean, “How are you feeling this very moment?”. This is fine. But that’s not what people are asking. They are asking me to go back x number of days or so and create a summary of some kind.

select sum(PainLevel)
from PainLog
where LogDateTime > ‘2014–07-01’

But the process of recalling my total experience of pain (and my mood around that pain) is not pleasant, and it encourages me to strengthen the concept that I am sick.

Moments of clarity allow me to see that I have a tendency to identify with an idea or concept, and that the identification itself affects my mood and my ability to see clearly.

For example, this morning I am experiencing a significant amount of pain. These are sensations, and they are unpleasant. But that’s not where it ends. My brain seems to always want to create stories. Here are some of the things it “says”: I am sick. I have been sick for almost 2 years. My body is failing, and I it’s just getting worse. I am sick. I haven’t really slept since November 2012. My brain is turning to mush. I am sick. I haven’t been able to lie down in a year due to my back. My neck pain is getting worse. I will never be able to maintain a job with mushy brain. I’ll be unable to continue to provide for my family. My wife will not be able to put up with this much longer. I am on the verge of being left alone, having failed as a father and a human being. I am sick. I have developed a rare form of tinnitus recently (tensor tympani myoclonus) which creates random, loud thumping in one of my ears. I am sick. etc…

Those stories generate quite a bit of additional pain. Serious, unbearable pain. But if I quiet the mind and observe what really is happening, all I can feel is sensation. I am not “sick”. Shit, I have no idea what “I” even means. Seriously. I am experiencing sensations and thoughts, and those thoughts may create additional sensations and emotions, and those emotions may influence others, etc.

Sorry for the ramble. Back to my question. I don’t want to talk to my family and friends about my pains or challenges. Their intentions are decent, and I feel appreciation that there are people who care. But it doesn’t help.

Any suggestions? Do I just need to sit down with everyone and explain to them that I have decided to not identify with “sick”?