In need of advice related to anxiety disorders, medication, and pregnancy.

[Sorry for the length!]

I have anxiety, as many of you know. I’ve had it since I was a teenager, but up until recently it was just health anxiety that caused me to be preoccupied with feelings of worry/fear that I was sick or dying of things like breast cancer, lymphoma, etc. It only occurred every few months and was something I eventually got over and was fine for awhile until the next “scare.”

Now it’s getting worse and isn’t always related to my health concerns. I’m experiencing tingling, I’ve had a couple dizzy spells, and most recently I’ve had moments where I felt like I couldn’t breathe even though I definitely could. I was eating my lunch yesterday and had to really focus on breathing because I felt like I was choking a couple of times. I’m pretty sure it’s anxiety rather than something else because it’s worse at work and goes away if I’m distracted or home with my husband.

A couple of years ago, my gynecologist tried to put me on Zoloft after one of my breast cancer freak-outs. I never filled the prescription because I felt I didn’t need it. I saw my GP for a physical recently and he wanted to put me on medication as well. I’m resistant to being on anxiety meds for several reasons: not wanting to depend on drugs to function normally; planning to try to conceive mid- to late- summer and don’t want to have to go off of anxiety meds in order to do that; typical side effects such as feeling like a zombie. He prescribed Atarax, which he said is safe during pregnancy and can be used short-term for anxiety. If that didn’t work, he said he recommends Zoloft.

I’ve been really fighting using medication and I find that Xanax works WAY better than Atarax, which just makes me tired but does nothing for my anxiety. My doctor won’t prescribe Xanax, and considering how addicting it is, I don’t really want to take it. I had to take one today at work because I felt like I was about to have an anxiety attack. I have yet to ask my doctor for the Zoloft prescription for the reasons mentioned above.

I’m coming to the conclusion that I can’t fight these feelings anymore. Breathing exercises and yoga don’t help whatsoever and it’s causing me problems at work. I’m making mistakes I wouldn’t normally make and it’s stressing me out. I really don’t want to take Zoloft daily – I’d rather have something I can take as needed. I’m still hoping this is just a bad episode that will pass, but it’s been going on for several weeks and it’s so frustrating to feel out of control.

If you were me, what would you do? Would you just get on the Zoloft and worry about the pregnancy stuff when that time comes? Or something different? I’ve considered therapy, but I can’t take time off of work on a weekly basis to talk to someone about my feelings. I have my husband as my support system, but talking just isn’t enough long-term.