What is the most sensationalist way you can come up with to describe a minor injury (see details)

A friend of mine recently posted a Facebook status update that said: “Adjusting to life without my right thumb.” Everyone thought he had actually lost his thumb, but it turns out he had just himself with a hammer and his thumb hurt too much to use—for about an hour.

So what are some other sensationalist (and misleading) ways to describe a minor injury? Give us the sensationalist version and then the real injury.