Do we judge ourselves by the content of our fantasies?

Warning: I am struggling on how to word this question. Bear with me.

I was thinking of a Louis CK bit about thinking about giving up his seat on an airplane recently. Like most of his stuff, I find reasons to revisit it because it really touches on something real that very few people talk about.

It’s worth watching the clip because I’ll never do it justice. But he describes thinking he should give up his seat in first class to a soldier flying coach. He never does, but enjoys the fantasy and is aware that a part of him is proud of even having the thought.

Anyone with a meditation practice has had the experience of witnessing our thoughts and reactions to these in a way that is humiliating. We may work through feelings of anger and frustration by imagining what we could have done differently or what we may do in the future. We do all kinds of future simulations.

But Louie’s bit got me thinking about how we all view ourselves as good people. How much of our view of ourselves as decent people is built upon these types of fantasies of what we could do, and a pride in the fact that we can even think it? Many of us entertain hypothetical questions even here and declare what we would and wouldn’t do in a given scenario. How does this affect our image of ourselves and our egos?

If this makes little sense to people, it’s ok. Tell me to drink some more coffee and try the question again. I’m due for some more caffeine. :)