How do I tell my mom I was raped?

My cousin raped me when I was 8. I think he was about 13 or 14 that time. He told me we’re going to play a game. I didn’t know what was happening because I was a kid.

I never knew that I was raped until I turned 10. We were being taught about the reproductive systems in class and how do people make babies. I was confused, I wasn’t sure what happened to me.

One time in recess, my friend asked me if I was a virgin. I didn’t know what it means so I asked her. That was the time I figured out I wasn’t a virgin anymore. I didn’t know what to tell her so I just told her that I was a virgin.

Every time I take a shower, no matter how much I scrub my skin, no matter how much I wash my body, I still felt dirty. I felt dirty for being raped. I never told anyone about it, not even my mom or a friend. I was scared they wouldn’t believe me. I didn’t know what to do so I just kept it to myself.

After 10 years, I forgave him. I learned how to love myself, I learned a lot. We didn’t see or talked to each other at all.

I’m turning 20 now, but before I have my birthday in 4 days, I want to be open to my mother and tell her about it. But how do I do it? I don’t know if she’ll understand me. My parents are very religious and strict. I don’t know how my mom will react.