What about when the girl turns out to be more willing and ready than me?

A lot of guys would love to be in my position. The woman whom I thought of as shy and timid and even very attractive turns out to be ready for a sexual relationship. I am an ordained minister—though I am currently living on disability (previously working on a college campus in the bookstore before getting shot—waiting for a Financial Aid Counselor position to become vacant—but that’s another story) , I will probably be taking on a church soon as pastor—though probably not for another four to eleven months.

I knew her as little more than an acquaintance or casual friend some fifteen years ago—at which time, she refused to date me or even go out with me on what looked like a date.

Gradually we went out as friends, but eventually drifted apart. Four months ago, we started talking on the phone again (she called me)— I had spent a few years as a disabled person (gunshot in robbery) and recently (May) gotten on Social Security Disability—but have been doing pulpit supply ministry on weekends and will probably eventually take on a church full time (I have served as a pastor in the past—I am ordained and have a Master’s degree). It will probably be a year before I am financially solvent without needing disability (which I have only been receiving since May — I’ve been unable to work or have use of my right arm for three years—though I am able to work now ).

In my new-found relationship, this woman and I talk a lot—often all night on the telephone, and up until a few days ago she was very reserved and would not even hold hands. She agreed to let me kiss her, but the kissing became very passionate and she seemed unable to stop—(remember, I warned that many guys would enjoy this predicament!) — This is very passionate kissing and I’ve been the one who has had to break it off every time. She feels rejected and hurt and sometimes even angry when I do this.

I see a wild side in her I do not otherwise see when she gets passionate. We would like to have a sexual relationship but as a Christian and a pastor this is out of the question outside of marriage and she seems to understand this—(she is a Christian also) unfortunately, marriage will not be possible for a year or so for financial reasons, and honestly, we haven’t known each other long enough (We know each other well enough, maybe, but not long enough). She also wants to sleep with my shirts because of the smell, and has made her feelings very clear—though through all of this, she cannot say that she loves me because she is unsure of her feelings (!)

We have no opportunities to be alone where there are no other people and we both desire this—and she is wanting to rent a motel room or go on a vacation together. As a Christian and a minister, I am extremely uncomfortable with this. I know I could abstain from actual sexual intercourse before marriage and this woman says she doesn’t feel the need to go that far. I’m not sure I believe her although she may believe she is right. Even if that were true, appearances, consequences, and (who knows?) even legal ramifications could result if accusations were made.

She maintains that no intercourse is necessary (just kissing, cuddling, experiencing new horizons) and that NO ONE WOULD KNOW if we spent the night together.

I am wanting answers from EVERYONE, but realize that for most people, sexual intercourse outside of marriage is perfectly normal and that I need to “grow up.” Its fine with me for you to express that opinion but among Christian culture, sex outside of marriage is regarded as a sin against God—and besides that, I cannot under any circumstances risk a pregnancy or an accusation of sex or impropriety. This is an attractive and somewhat needy woman and I respect her and do not want to hurt her in any way. Yes, I do love her and intend to marry her and will propose when I am certain that she is really in love with me (and when she is able to say that she is)