I want to get out of a surprise party in my honor - am I the bad guy here?

Good evening!

Here’s the dilemma I’m having and I really need an outside opinion.

My best friend and I have had a tough year and are working through some problems, which is what makes this such a sensitive matter.

I will soon reach a goal I’ve been working toward for over a year. Afterward, said friend, my sister and I are taking a vacation to celebrate. A while back my friend asked me to set aside a night so that he could do something to celebrate. The only thing he would say is it is off the property of the resort we are staying at.

I didn’t think a thing about it at first until he started mentioning “a conspirator”. I have since come to believe (thanks to Twitter) that it is a person that is a mutual acquaintance of ours – however, it is someone I have told him many times I wanted to stay away from as she is very toxic.

I did not confront him about this but I did casually ask him if he’d told my sister about the plans. Surprise number two: no. I asked if she was invited…yes. Would she enjoy herself considering she would be leaving the place she really WANTED to be? “Dunno. She’s invited but certainly under no obligation to come!” Which would pretty much equal us just…ditching her.

I am so upset and torn up about this that I’m tempted to cancel the trip. I’ve told him that I wasn’t happy at the way she was disregarded, and his only response was that he didn’t want to say where we were going. Even AFTER I say I’m unhappy with the situation. (This is an issue we’ve had before – me saying I’m uncomfortable or unhappy and he insisting that I’ll be FIIIIIINE, don’t WORRY.)

What do I do? At this point, SOMEONE is going to be upset. He and whoever have obviously put some time and effort into this and I don’t want to be COMPLETELY uncaring. I feel like I’m responsible somewhat as I agreed to it. But now? I’m starting to dread the whole thing.

Is it terrible of me to ask him to cancel the event? Or tell him that I know who’s involved and that I’m not comfortable?