"I didn't used to understand ----, but now I do." What happened to change your perspective?

This isn’t about algebra or bread baking, of course. It’s about understanding the attitudes and behavior of others. How have time and experience changed your view of things that didn’t used to make any sense to you?

Here’s an example. One Christmas when my late father-in-law was in his last illness, his sons and their families took dinner to his house. I thought it would be nice to cheer things up with some decorations, and so I took along a few simple shiny things appropriate to the holiday and placed them around the living room. My brother-in-law quickly gathered them up and handed them back to me, saying, “Get these things out of here. They just upset him.”

At the time I had no idea why, or even if it was true. I just meant to brighten the occasion a little bit—especially for the sake of the children. In truth, I was a bit bothered to have my good intentions thus thwarted by my brother-in-law. He was also, I thought, unnecessarily brusque, as if I’d really done something offensive.

Now I understand that when you’re dealing with a lot of distress and physical impairment, any change to your environment, anything that disrupts the familiar, anything that you have to cope with just adds to your stress and makes things harder.

What happened to bring about this change is simply seeing others in this state and, from time to time, being there myself. There are times when even the most helpful intervention is unwelcome because it just means one more thing to deal with.

What has changed your perspective on something and led you to an understanding that you used not to have?