Can you offer some suggestions (and perhaps some explaination) about how to get through to this woman and her lack of communication skills?

Asked by Dutchess_III (46814) September 7th, 2016

I know this is long so I shall summarize from here to the line of asterisks below.

Several weeks ago my DIL asked if I could start watching the kids on Wednesdays because she was going to start school. I said, “Sure! I think it’s great that you’re going to school!” And I started planning my events around the fact that I have a Wednesday commitment through the end of the year.

But at the last minute she started playing some sort of game. It almost seems like she’s trying to play her mom off against me or some strange thing. At the last minute in the first week, she acts like she’s going to have her mom babysit instead, unless I “want” to.”

I’m saying, to myself, I made a commitment here. “Wanting to” doesn’t really factor in, except I love being with the kids. But it’s her decision.

Long story short, I watched them the first two Wednesdays.

Yesterday, on Tuesday (the day BEFORE,) she said, “My mom wants to watch them but I told her I had to make sure it’s OK with you.”

It’s almost like…she thinks she’s doing ME a favor of some kind. And that I’m responsible for making the decision of who watches the kids.

I refuse to play, but it’s getting so fucking old.

Do I sit her down and make sure we have some hard and fast rules about this? And WHY DOES SHE KEEP DOING IT???? Is it some sort of game???

Below are the types of exchanges we have.

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After she asked me originally, in July, the time was counting down, and I’m planning events around the fact that I won’t be available after Wednesday August 24th, for the rest of the year.

The Friday before I texted her and said, “Do I start watching the kids this Wednesday?”

She sends, “You can. My Mom also has Wednesday off so she wanted to help.”
I’m thinking (WHAT????) in my mind. What does that even mean?

I said, “Well, it’s up to you, but let me know ASAP. I’ve been planning on it.”
She said, “OK.”

I’m feeling frustrated, a bit put out, and confused. I don’t know if I’m free on Wednesday or not.

Then three days later, on Monday I asked again if she needed me on Wednesday. She sends, “Ya. I thought that was the plan.”

I’m like….(WHAT??) again. I said, “OK. I’ll see you at 11:00”

So I watched them that Wednesday and the following and we began to develop some semblance of a schedule.

On the second Wednesday, when my son got home he said, “I think her mom is going to watch them next Wednesday, but I don’t know for sure.”

So I waited and waited to hear from her.

Yesterday (Tuesday) I finally sent a text that said “I heard a rumor that your Mom will be watching the kids tomorrow. Please let me know. Thanks.”

She sends, She would like to tomorrow bc she off. But I told her I would ask to see if it’s okay with you first.”

(WHAT???) I sent, “LOL. (Which I didn’t mean.) It’s up to you. I just need advance notice so I can plan my day. You should tell me as soon as you know. Chris told me last week…but he didn’t know for sure. I’ve been waiting to hear from you.”

No response.

Two hours later I send, “Well?”

She says, “I guess she will watch them this Wednesday.” What is this “I guess….” stuff? What does THAT even mean?

I said, “K. Let me know about next Wednesday as soon as you can, please.”

She said she would.

It’s easy enough to advise that I just pull out, but I want to spend the one on one time with the kids, alone. If it wasn’t for them, I would, in a heartbeat because this is some ridiculous shit.