Do you ever wonder if we'd be better off in a constitutional monarchy?

I’m a loyal American citizen who grew up saying the Pledge of Allegiance in school in one of the original thirteen colonies, not far from where the Revolution began. I’ve been voting in presidential elections ever since George McGovern carried my state alone out of the fifty.

Nevertheless sometimes I do fantasize about writing a letter like this. There’s something to be said for having a head of state who’s been reared to the job and who doesn’t have to win an election.

Of course, the same could be said for Kim Jong Un.

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Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
Buckingham Palace
London

Your Majesty:

About that unpleasantness in 1776: we’re really, really sorry.

Can we come home now?

Or can you at least send us a prince or princess who’s all trained and ready to serve? We’ll let them have a nice white house and try to take good care of them. Just no funny hats, please.

Yours truly,
The Former American Colonies