Can you help me decide on the best approach to take to talk to my mother again?

I havent spoke to my mother in 2yrs now due to her choice. It starts like this growing up my mother has 8 kids, 5 are hers and 3 are my step dads. My mother beat on me my whole life and only me. She has never told me she loved me nor have i ever recieved a hug from her or ever any compliments.As i hit my teen years she married me off to a man i was 14 at the time. I am now 41yrs old and i have 10 children. I recently buried my 23yr old son who was murdered and i buried my 3yr old 5 yrs ago he died from a bleed in his brain. After my first child died i lost it i felt like i didnt want to live anymore. During all this im on my second marriage and he is the father to the last 4 kids. My husband very very abusive to me beat me everyday. I did everything i could to prevent my kids from ever seeing it, i went to my mother for help and her great words of advice.” If you learned how to be a wife you wouldnt get beat”! Then i became pregnant with my 9th child, she told me if i was to keep this child she would do everything she could to make sure i lost all my kids and that she did. She got csd involved and lied to everyone as well as got my older children to turn on me and lie, she even gave my baby away to her friend when she was suppose to have them in her care cuz the state was paying her too. So this child spent all his time with my moms friend whom is now my sons parents. My mother tricked me into signing adoption papers by having my oldest child bring me her college papers that i had to sign well she snuck in the adoption papers and 2wks later i recieved a letter telling me thank you i did a great thing for my child. I freaked and went after my mom and she then had my youngest baby taken away from me as a if you tell you will never see your son aga8n type thing. I havent seen any of my kids in 2 yrs, i miss them so much and im going thru so much pain without them. I dont know what to do. Please help me figure this out. Thank you