Should this bother me? Would it bother you?

a little background first
For almost 30 years, my wife and I have handled all of her parent’s affairs. They speak little English, have had many health problems, and (of course) have become elderly. We have spent hundreds of hours at hospitals, handle their finances and rental property, and pay monthly for elder care services (which does house cleaning, laundry, grocery delivery). My wife’s brother has never chosen to help out for some reason. It’s just her mother now as her father passed a couple years ago.

presently
Recently, my wife and I were considering buying a new house. We did not as we couldn’t afford the down payment they were asking for. Simultaneously, friends of ours were also looking to buy a house. They also didn’t have the down payment, but his parents stepped in and gave them a hundred-thousand dollars to put down.

The other day, my brother-in-law asked my wife if we were disappointed. “No, it’s okay,” she said, “At least we can say we’ve paid for everything on our own.”

My brother-in-law paused and subsequently admitted that, over the years, my in-laws paid for his college, bought him a car or two, gave him the down payment on not one but two houses, and gave him cash upwards of forty-thousand dollars. He assumed they had done the same for my wife.

My wife was stunned as they had not. In fact, when asked for help, they said they did not have the money. Meanwhile, we have both worked two jobs for years and will probably be paying my wife’s student loans off until we die.

My wife is very upset about this and feels used. She asked her mother about it who basically said (imagine little old Italian lady with thick accent) “Don’t be mad, I need you to take care of everything for me.”

I don’t know how to feel. Should I feel used? I’ve devoted a ton of time to them over the years because I wanted to be helpful, not for any reward. But on the other hand, when I was unclogging the tenant’s toilet at midnight, or sleeping in a hospital chair watching over my father-in-law’s third heart atack, or paying hundreds of dollars a year toward elder services, my in laws were paying off massive amounts of my brother-in-law’s debt — and he never once pitched in to help.

The other part of me says, “Se la vie”, what’s to be gained by being upset now.

What do you guys think?