How do I talk to my roommate about her boyfriend?

Asked by TheOtherSide (36) December 15th, 2017 from iPhone

Hello, all.

I have been living with my current roommate for a few months now. I am a single adult male and she is an adult female in a long-term, long-distance relationship. Naturally, given that her boyfriend only lives a few hours’ drive away, I expect that he will come visit from time to time. However, she will often have him over without any warning at all. This wouldn’t bother me if he was pleasant, but every time he comes to visit, the apartment is immediately filled with negative energy. He hardly says a word to me and shuts me down with his body language whenever I speak.

It’s obvious that this person is uncomfortable with the idea of his girlfriend living with a single guy. I have had candid conversations with my roommate about this before, but they always seem to end up coming off as a joke (e.g. “Haha yeah, he might kill you!)

I’m not particularly bothered by him disliking me, but is it too much for me to expect a days’ or even a few hours’ notice before this guy walks in and makes me feel like some creep who’s trying to take his girlfriend away? I don’t want to come off angry, but it’s really important to me that my home be a comfortable and stress-free environment, and this guy takes that away from me. How do I breach this topic with her seriously and without coming across as if I don’t want her boyfriend over at all?