I just found out my dad had an affair, how do I cope?

My mom just told me that my dad had an affair a long time ago. She forgave him and they were married until he eventually divorced her years later.

I’m devastated. First I’m mad at my mom for telling me. I could have gone my whole life without knowing and I’d be fine. Also, I’m so mad that she has no self respect. Why didn’t she leave him?! She keeps telling me “he was crying and he said he’s really sorry.” So what?! He knew exactly what he was doing and did it regardless of how others might get hurt.

Second, my dad all my life has been the one I look up to. I always thought he was a hero, a saint. I kind of put him up on a pedestal. Now that dad I knew has been destroyed. If he cheats, then every man probably cheats. I am never going to get married or trusting another guy. My trust is officially broken.

I’m devastated. I have no friends so I have no one to talk to. I can’t afford my therapist. My siblings don’t know and I will make sure they NEVER find out. I’m completely alone.

What should I do? I just need advice