How do you (or how should we as society) teach young people not to buy into the false romantic ideas about relationships that are propogated by TV shows, movies, and books?

I see too many young people, especially on Facebook, mostly girls, who think that relationships are not worth much unless they are filled with pain, and angst, and drama.

I think a lot of these ideas come from books (old and new), just think about Wuthering Heights, and the Twilight series, and TV shows, and movies (Titanic, I’m talking to you!).

I read these books, and watched these movies and shows, but my own parents had/have a good marriage, and I went to school, and I think, or at least I hope, that I was able to see the difference between “angst-filled romantic fiction” and real life, despite choosing a couple of unsuitable romantic partners in my young life.

I think I was smart enough never to believe that I was “spoiled merchandise” or “used up goods” for having slept with more than one person over my lifetime. You gotta practice, and get some experience, before you choose the best, or at least a better mate for yourself. I think.

I don’t think I know anyone, at least not from my circle of friends and relatives, who only ever had one sexual partner. Not that there’s anything wrong with only having one sexual partner. I just don’t think that most people are lucky enough to be able to find their best mate/partner in the first go-round, mostly due to being way more influenced by lust in the early years, rather than looking at the whole person for what they are, which hopefully most people do before getting married.

Do you have kids, or know any young people that seem to have fallen under the spell of the false idea of “angst-ridden, tormented romance as an ideal” and how have you tried to help them see things more realistically?

Were you that person, in your younger years, and what, if anything, helped you to pursue relationships in a more healthy, and mature manner?

Do you think that religion sometimes plays a role in how young people view romance? Did your own religious upbringing make you have an unrealistic idea of how a healthy relationship could/should be?

Did any of you buy into a false sense of how relationships should be, because of the lovely, but pain-filled relationships that are championed in books, TV shows, and movies?

Of course not all young people fall into this trap. One of my cousins, who is the same age as me, got married young to a man who turned out to be a jerk. She divorced his ass after 10 years of marriage, and 3 kids. She finished up her college degree, and went to work, and became very successful.

2 of her kids married very early and had 3 kids each. The daughter is in the middle of an ugly divorce from her jerk husband, but she has been very successful with her career, and social life, despite her jerky husband. My cousin’s older son is in a very good marriage, and he went to law school, and is very successful, even though he married at age 19, with a baby on the way. My cousin’s younger son, went to school, and got a master’s degree, and is very succesful in his career, and married in his early 30’s and has no children. He and his wife seem to be very happy.

So I’m not sure what it is that makes some people better able to make good, healthy relationships, in spite of growing up seeing what a bad relationship looks like, while other people make bad relationship choices no matter what.

I’d just like to hear about everyone’s experiences, and whether any of you have any useful pearls of wisdom.